Child and school: how to instill a desire to learn. Why does a child not want to go to school?
A child who happily goes to school, does his homework without reminders, is active in class, and studies with interest is the dream of all parents. But, as you know, if almost all children go to primary school willingly, then in secondary school the desire to learn disappears among the majority.
What are the reasons for the decline in interest in learning and what can parents do to help their child avoid disappointment in the educational process?
Second grade students were asked to answer the question: “Which lessons do you like, which lessons do you not like, and why?” The children listed a variety of school subjects, their favorite and least favorite.
Here's how the students explained their attitude:
Reasons why I like the lessons:
"I'm interested"
“I want to be smart, literate”
"I want to know a lot"
“I love the teachers who teach these classes”
“When something works out in this lesson, joy appears”
Reasons why you don't like the lessons:
"Boring"
“They give bad grades”
"I'm getting tired"
“Nothing works out”
“I don’t like the teacher who teaches this lesson”
This mini-study shows that the main motivating forces in the learning process for a child are interest in what is being studied, their own successes in the lesson and a good relationship with the teacher.
About success
In psychology there is a concept called “learned failure.” This is the name for a state when a person believes in advance that he will not succeed and therefore does not even try to solve a difficult problem or begins to learn something new. Those around him get the impression that the child is lazy because he doesn’t even want to try. However, it is adults, and first of all parents, who are to blame for the fact that the child has given up and stopped believing in his own strength. After all, all his achievements are devalued by excessive demands from his parents.
Parents who expect too much from their child begin a conversation with a psychologist with the words: “In our family, everyone studied well, graduated from school with a gold medal, and have a diploma with honors. We were always excellent students,” etc. They sincerely do not understand how it is possible to study for B grades, and even C grades are perceived as evidence of laziness or a complete lack of ability in the child.
Some parents, although they consider their children capable, often pay attention to the child's mistakes and failures than to his successes, thereby hoping to motivate him to try even harder. However, constantly emphasizing shortcomings does great harm - the student comes to the conclusion that, despite all his efforts, he is unable to meet the expectations of his parents. The child stops believing in himself and loses interest in any intellectual or creative activity.
It happens that parents deliberately underestimate the achievements of very capable children so that they do not become proud. Because of this, the child does not enjoy his successes; he constantly strives to achieve more in order to finally deserve the encouragement of his family.
Even when they become adults and independent, such people always strive to prove their competence and importance to someone.
What to do?
Avoid conversations about the fact that everyone in the family was an excellent student and that the only acceptable grade was an A. It is necessary to show your child that you are happy with his, even small, from your point of view, successes.
You cannot tell your child that you have given up on him if he did not meet your expectations, for example, in the field of mathematics. Perhaps his vocation is the humanities?
Children should not be intimidated by the need to study, so as not to become homeless, a janitor, etc. IN adolescence Such notations often lead to the opposite result - a child, despairing of achieving something or meeting the expectations of adults, who has lost interest in the educational process, begins to defiantly declare that he dreams of becoming a janitor so that everyone will leave him alone.
So, one day a thirteen-year-old boy, when asked what he wanted to be, answered that as soon as he finished school, he would become a soldier. His family threatened him all the time that if he studied like this, nothing good would come of him; they scolded him and considered him a failure. The teenager decided to become a soldier because there is no need to strive for anything, and anyway he doesn’t know how to do anything. In addition, this way he will be able to get rid of constant accusations and lectures from loved ones.
Do not devalue your child's achievements by evaluating his work. For example, you should not say: “It’s still good that your teacher gave you a B.” I wouldn’t give an essay higher than a “C” for such an essay.”
About interest
Many parents worry that their children are not very interested in studying, work “under pressure”, and are lazy. You can often hear from adults that a child is indifferent not only to studies, but is not interested in anything at all. And then in a conversation with a psychologist the following words are heard: “But he’s not interested in anything! Whatever we offered him, he didn’t want to do anything! What will happen to him next? In response to this, I would like to object no less emotionally: “It cannot be that the child is not interested in anything at all!”
Parents should think about whether they are offering their child something that interests them, but not him? Perhaps his refusal of the proposed activities expresses his desire to show independence? Or does the child fail to achieve success in the proposed activities because he has no inclination for them, and you make too high demands, and he is afraid not to live up to them?
By the eighth grade, the boy had completely ceased to be interested in studies, although in elementary school he was one of the most capable and beloved students of all teachers. In high school, he gradually slipped into C grades, often did not do his homework, and had conflicts with teachers. Immediately after a heart-to-heart talk with the class teacher, he came to his senses, quickly caught up with lost time, achieved success, but after a while he broke down again.
It turned out that his parents explained to him that he had to learn mathematics and a foreign language in order to enter a prestigious university, become a lawyer or economist, earn good money and go to work abroad. But the boy was interested in the humanities, he successfully played in the theater studio, took modeling classes, and from the first grade dreamed of taking up football seriously.
Talking to a psychologist about his professional future, he said: “I need to enroll in a math class,” and one could hear melancholy and doom in his voice. But how his tone changed when he talked about his successes in modeling, theater or football! However, he refused to consider any of these hobbies as his future profession, asking “adult” questions: “What will I do? How much will I receive? Naturally, his parents did not take his hobbies seriously.
The contradiction between the boy’s inclinations and the instilled in him attitude towards “correct education” caused him mental discomfort, and this tension resulted in conflicts with teachers and classmates, and a reluctance to learn.
Lack of interest in learning, that is, boredom, naturally leads to the appearance of laziness - a universal protector against useless (in the child’s opinion) activities. In adolescence, this problem becomes most urgent, as the main interests from the cognitive sphere move to the sphere of communication. And then studying turns into a boring and boring chore.
Children do not understand why they might need most school subjects, and to study well and be a “favorite” with teachers means losing prestige in the eyes of their peers. Parents cannot force teenagers not only to sit down for homework, but also to perform basic household chores - washing dishes, going to the store or working in the garden. All this seems dreary, monotonous to them and takes them away from the opportunity to spend time at their own discretion.
What to do?
Observe the child (this applies to younger children school age): what he likes to play, how he likes to spend his free time, what he talks about with interest. Once you figure out what area of knowledge your child is most interested in, help him put that interest into practice. You can agree with the teacher to give the student the task of preparing a report or making a newspaper on a topic that interests him. The child will believe in himself and will want to develop further if he feels competent. An indisputable fact: what comes out is interesting, and what comes out best is what is interesting.
Find out from the student what exactly he is studying at the moment in a particular subject. Ask questions, admit that you don’t know something or don’t remember well. Let him explain it to you. Some children will brush off such questions and say they don't remember or don't want to discuss. There is no point in insisting. You can provoke a discussion of some educational topics by generally watching a film about animals or a play; you can “slip” a textbook on entertaining physics or chemistry to your child.
Teach your child to maintain tone, that is, the working state of the body. Laziness takes on its most catastrophic character in cases where a person is tired physically or mentally. Every weekend should be filled with real rest, and not hard work at the dacha or repairs. In any difficult and boring task, teach your child to find something pleasant or take breaks, for example, to drink a glass of juice, play with the dog, or read his favorite book. Stop nightly vigils in front of the TV or at the computer (this rule, like all others, should be common to the whole family).
Discuss with children how different areas of knowledge intersect. For example, how knowledge of geography can be useful in history and literature lessons.
Do not reproach your child for not doing anything, “but you are at his age...”. Such conversations can only cause a reaction of protest, and not prompt them to urgently do something or become interested. At best, a teenager will grin to himself and think: “Well, what have you achieved?” By the way, in “your” years the opportunities and requirements were completely different, the world has changed and continues to change.
Ask your child what “willpower” is, from his point of view, and does he have it? Can he force himself to do a not-so-interesting task? Is he able to concentrate on the lesson by force of will or does he not even try? Explain to the student that it is necessary to develop not abstract willpower, but a completely concrete one, related to some intention - to get an “excellent” in a mathematics exam, to learn English language and so on.
Together with your child, create a plan: exactly what steps should be taken. Help us not to deviate from what we planned.
About relationships
Often a child cannot achieve success because of a bad relationship with the teacher. In this case, the first-grader gets offended and complains to his family: “Maria Ivanovna has never praised me in front of the whole class,” and the teenager stops preparing homework and starts playing truant.
One tenth-grader skipped physics classes, explaining her dislike for the subject by the fact that the teacher, who had been teaching them for the second year, never addressed her by name (although she called other students by name). The attitude towards the subject, which was difficult for the girl, changed dramatically after the teacher began addressing her by name.
It is important for adults to take into account that difficulties in relationships with teachers can arise both through the fault of the teacher and the fault of the student himself. Parents often say that the teacher is nagging or dislikes their child, without thinking that perhaps the student does not fulfill the teacher’s basic requirements, ignores the rules of conduct in the classroom that are common to everyone, etc.
What to do?
We must try to understand the reasons for the child’s dislike of this subject. The student will somehow make it clear that he does not have a good relationship with the teacher. You can ask about this, but not directly, but simply ask who teaches this or that subject and how.
Parents can come to the teacher himself for advice. You can’t start a conversation with accusations and questions like: “Why are you bullying my child?” Ask what complaints the teacher has against the student. A teacher may treat a student poorly who is constantly unprepared for class. Make sure your child has everything needed for this lesson. If a teacher sees that his subject is considered important and that they are trying, he will change his opinion about the student.
Adults should not divide school subjects into important and unimportant, as the child will begin to think so. Because of this, his relationships with teachers may deteriorate.
In a difficult situation, you should seek help from a psychologist.
General advice for parents
In no case should you frighten your child with the upcoming studies and the difficulties of this study. Do not say that you always only had A’s and everything always worked out right away (think about it, is this really so?).
Do not try to replace the teacher by demanding more from the child than he is given (for example, write not one line in the copybook, but a whole page; rewrite homework many times until it is completed perfectly).
Your expectations must be based on the child’s real capabilities. Do not require long-term tension from a quickly tired, restless schoolchild. Consult a psychologist about your child's daily routine.
Show interest in your child's learning activities, such as looking for books or information on the Internet. But do this not instead of the child, but with him. Once and for all, give up the habit of writing abstracts, essays, etc. for the student.
There is no need to be more afraid of bad grades than your child is afraid of them. In addition, you should not force him to do everything perfectly at any cost. It is good for a child to get what he deserves.
Hello! Difficulties with reading were a direct sign that the child’s functions of analysis and synthesis were poorly developed. He does not understand the difference between cause and effect, does not divide the whole into parts and does not know how to assemble a whole from parts, to put it simply. This manifested itself at school, but in a different form - what teachers and parents call irresponsibility, laziness, carelessness, sloppiness. And the answer is simple: the brain cells are not physically mature. They need to be helped to mature. You won’t scold a newborn for not crawling, but one year old baby for saying only a few words. Punishment measures are generally not applicable to your child; they only worsen the situation. Praise him as often as possible and voice what exactly you are praising him for and talk about your feelings at the same time.
One of my students with similar behavioral characteristics and learning difficulties was shocked by how his mother, after several of our classes with him, shared with someone on the phone about his progress. The shock for him was that he suddenly believed that his mother loved him very much and was very proud of him, even as he was, and that she was seriously concerned about his success and health. And when he told me this, how my mother spoke with pride, how she, with tears in her eyes, FROM JOY and pride for him, sobbed, shared with his interlocutor, his eyes lit up, he himself was ready to cry from pride for himself and happiness that he was needed , it is important that he is VERY IMPORTANT in a mother’s life. Although before this, his mother spent a lot of time with him, sacrificing sleep and career (she drove him personally several times a week at 6 am to morning training, picked him up from school after classes, cooked and cleaned for the whole family herself, although she had the opportunity not to do this ). But that wasn’t what he needed to understand how precious he was. And just the words of his mother and her tears of joy, until that moment he thought that people cry only from pain and resentment.
Reduce the load, these children need to rest more than other children. Hug him more often, they also need tactile contact more than everyone else. And kiss him while you have the opportunity; in adolescence, boys are embarrassed by such tenderness and move away from their parents, so enjoy the here and now. Speak up and praise.
If you have any questions, write, if possible, seek help from a speech therapist or a psychologist, and remember that responsibility for your health, your upbringing, your choice of a specialist, and your behavior lies with you. It is important to do this yourself competently or choose competent assistants.
Good luck!
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Discuss with an expertParent meeting in 2nd grade.
Conversation on the topic: “If a child has no desire to learn.”
“More precisely, he doesn’t want anything at all,” they often complain. “Modern children somehow don’t particularly want to study,” teachers assure me and parents convince me. It’s not surprising to me, because many families now have the opportunity to “help” their child study.
Most parents who come to me with this problem are very involved in their child's learning process. They practically learn for him. Keep track of all his homework, check or pack his briefcase. They check homework, sometimes even do it together, looking intensely over the child’s shoulder.
On the one hand, many parents think that the more successful their child is at school, the happier and more prosperous their future will be. There is some truth in this, but not all. After all, it is important not only what grades he will have in his subjects, but also what skills, abilities and feelings he will have after he finishes school.
If a child, while studying at school, is mostly in tension, stress, fear, if there he often feels unsuccessful, criticized, insecure, bad, if he still has the feeling that studying is something he hates, this is constant coercion , and what he will do exclusively “under pressure” - then, after completing his studies at school, it will be difficult for him to love learning. He will try to end this process in his life as quickly as possible, and never return to it. So, by pushing him, you can achieve unwanted goals. Many children never open the piano lid again after graduating from music school, hate reading because they were forced to, are unable to even write a letter, let alone an article or a report, because someone criticized them and forced them to rewrite their compositions.
Studying in our modern schools is a difficult, but feasible task that your children can handle on their own. Of course, unless you have exorbitant parental ambitions, and you have not sent your child to a place where the educational requirements are beyond his capabilities. Unless you expect the child to jump above his head, realizing your once unfulfilled dreams or the dreams of your parents. And also if the teacher’s ambitions do not exceed the child’s abilities, and the teacher has not assigned the honorable responsibility to the parent to bring the grades of your particular child to his inflated expectations, so as not to “spoil the picture of performance in the class.” So, if you are ready for him to first learn to study, and then easily, independently and as successfully as he can, comprehend the school curriculum.
Many people, especially over-controlling parents, have a firm belief that all children are naturally lazy, irresponsible, and only think about how to have fun, cause mischief, get out of work, and find adventures on their own. Their conviction is not unfounded, but is applicable only to those children who, for a minute, for half an hour, for a day, have escaped from suffocating parental control. These people, of course, want to “break away” and do everything that they were categorically forbidden to do. Most children are actually ready to do business, quite reasonably combining it with rest, they want to be successful, they are able to work and study with concentration when they understand that it is their business, that it is under their management and control. When all victories are theirs, and mistakes and defeats are also theirs. Children respond more easily and quickly to activities that they themselves can organize, the results of which they can influence, and in which they themselves can distribute their time and their efforts.
Nowadays, mothers or grandmothers, who have the opportunity not to work, decide not to continue to occupy themselves with their lives, but to “help” the child study, which, of course, creates many problems: both for themselves and for him. Most of them “help” based on this kind of consideration: “He is so weak (lagging behind, inattentive, uncollected); he must be controlled, otherwise he will not do anything at all.” Or one of these: “No one helped me as a child, and it was difficult for me. So for my child I will do everything in my power.” Intentions, of course, are good, but not always determined by the real needs of your child.
Most children are inattentive, disinhibited, and uncollected because they never learned to control themselves during their preschool years. Most likely, because a lot was done and decided for them, because they were not given boundaries, or were protected from everything, and he did not have the opportunity to do the job himself from the beginning and to the end. In any case, the beginning was made before he went to school. The school most likely showed problems, and for the most part - problems not even of the child, but of the family system in which he grew up.
And how did the system react to the problems that arose? She intensified her previous influences. If they overprotected him, they began to patronize him even more; if they controlled him, then they increased their control. “He can’t cope, that’s obvious!” And it’s as if they don’t want to notice that all these measures are not fundamentally solving the problem; on the contrary, they are intensifying and perpetuating it. Then the power of influence increases even more... they begin to punish him, without persuasion, they begin to do something for him. And he stops learning, or, at least, wanting to learn (and this is not easy anyway within the framework of our education system).
Parents are increasingly taking control into their own hands, and accordingly, the child has less and less of it. They show more and more of their parental will to him, and less and less of it remains with him. More and more, learning and its assessments become their business, and less and less his. In addition, he develops persistent and strong resistance to their pressure (like any person, otherwise someone’s external pressure would destroy the personality, break it). Resistance can be passive and look like laziness, sabotage, endless trips to the toilet, drinking, playing, daydreaming, forgetting homework, procrastinating on homework. Or more active forms: whims, indignation, scandals, absenteeism, conflicts, open protests (usually in adolescence).
In this case, parents indignantly point a finger at the child, calling him a lazy person, a goofball, a hooligan, etc., depending on the breadth of vocabulary and naive ideas about the special effectiveness of any epithet. They don't want to admit that he is not the only one responsible for the problem he finds himself in. They are sure that they are doing everything right, he is just a lazy person and the list goes on.
Gradually, the child has less and less strength and desire to try to cope with what is impossible for him to cope with. Because with constant external control, a rather complex mechanism is formed. He loses his own motive to do something, and along with the motive, the energy that we all need in order to do something (especially what we don’t particularly want to do), and besides, his resistance to it grows external pressure. Because any psyche strives to survive and not be trampled and destroyed by someone’s intentions, even if these intentions are “the best.”
The more you press, the stronger the resistance (unless, of course, you have already “broken” your child and completely subordinated him to your will). If your child resists you, you should be happy, not outraged. This means that he has the strength and health to prevent you from destroying your personality. And your task is to try to understand what is happening, what he is so fiercely resisting and try to remove the root cause. Because so much energy is spent on resistance that your child becomes doubly weak: he has very little energy left to do something, because you have taken away his motive, and he is forced to spend even more energy on doing something. to prevent you from crushing him so hard and so quickly.
Imagine that you have to go to work and someone from your family is constantly checking on you to see if you have taken the documents you need with you and whether you have written a report. And I would do this constantly, from time to time. You would quickly get tired of it, but over time you will get used to it and somehow, when your family forgets to remind you about the report, you, of course, will forget it at home. And with indignation: “Why didn’t you remind me!” - quickly shift, for example, the responsibility for your mistake onto your wife. And she responded to you: “Am I obligated to think about your report?” And really, you don’t have to. So there was no need to mind your own business earlier. Who is guilty? Both. Everyone was doing their own thing. At one time she took responsibility, he gave it.
And how will you feel if every day your loved ones, after you have just come home from work, tell you: “Sit down for your report, do your documents. Right in front of me, sit down and do it. What does that mean, I want to take a break , watch TV? And who will do your report for you? I’m trying for you so that you don’t get screwed up at work tomorrow!” If your wife did this, you would have separated from her long ago. If it was your mother, they would hate her, with all due respect, and begin to look for options on how to leave. It is natural to begin to hate the one who forces us. And would you like your children to feel the same way about you?
What if they (someone from your family) were still standing behind you, shouting at you every time you made a mistake in your report? Would you become more collected, more attentive and your enthusiasm would increase? What if they forced you to rewrite everything, “because it’s not written neatly enough,” after you’ve exhausted the first two pages? Come on, try this on yourself! And How? Does it press? A lot of anger, indignation, protest and no desire to work?
It’s easier for you, you’re an adult, you can still be indignant, tell everyone to go about their business and say that your report is your business, and scolding them at work, if anything happens, is also your business. You can even shout, bang your fist, show who’s boss. What about your children? They can not. They are forced to suppress their irritation with you because they love you, are afraid of upsetting you, or maybe they are simply afraid of disobeying. And fear and energy to suppress anger also takes away their strength. No wonder they don't want to learn.
“What are you suggesting?!” Parents usually exclaim indignantly when I try to explain their direct and vital participation in the problem that has arisen. “Stop controlling him? Then he’ll stop doing his homework altogether! And we’ll end up with bad grades!” Of course, I don’t want to tell them that you’ve already received your parental grade. It would be rude... but it's true. Of course, if now, when he has been living under constant parental control for 8-9-10 years, we give him complete freedom, this would definitely expose him to failure. Especially if you give him two days to do it. In two days, he will definitely only have time to demonstrate the entire repertoire of his inability to manage himself and his own studies. Moreover, after these two days, his parent, with hard-to-concealed gloating (!), will answer us: “I told you so! He can’t!”
Of course he can't. Who could? He has to learn this. And if other children learned this in their preschool life, without risking any decline in academic performance, then he now has to do it with the risk that for some time the grades will not be what you would like. But you need to choose: either grades (which in the case of such problems are usually low), or time for the child to develop self-government and self-control skills. A time during which studying would become his business, not yours. The time during which he will first expect the usual “kick” from you, then, not receiving it, he will provoke you into it or happily abandon everything, then he will understand that he has to study somehow and still be a poor student in the class unpleasant. Then he will gradually learn to persuade himself, which will begin to work out for him, first with varying success, and then, with the receipt of his first, honestly earned good grades, better and better.
If he is very used to doing everything with you and is not ready to voluntarily give it up (which is an even more difficult case, showing that your child either does not believe in himself at all or is very afraid of making mistakes, or is quite infantile, psychologically immature), then try start at least with those lessons that were always easy for him. And let him do the rest, more complex ones, himself, but he can turn to you for help if he doesn’t understand something. It is very important that, if possible, he can plan his own time, when to do what. So that if he doesn’t have time to do something, he would go to school with his unlearned lessons and get his rightful “twos” there, get upset, correct him.
You will achieve success faster if you celebrate each step of the child’s increasing control over himself, his every small success. If you react to failures not with notation and reproach “I told you that you’ll get a bad mark!”, but by trying together to figure out why this happened.
It is important to understand that it will be difficult for you to give control to your child if you do not find something to do at this time, if your own meanings, needs and activities are not found in your life. For many mothers and grandmothers, over-care and over-control are just a compensatory opportunity to get away from their fears of uselessness, unfulfillment, and lack of involvement in a profession or vocation. For many of them, it is much easier to command someone else’s life than to manage their own. And some of them are happily grasping at this straw. What does their child have to do with this?
If you look closely at the program primary school, it’s easy to understand why some children find it boring and not perceived as something important. Built on the principle of repetition and memorization of simple information, it is not entirely suitable for a child who already reads or counts well, or has a good foundation in other disciplines. It is aimed at children with average knowledge.
When teaching less prepared children, trying to catch up with them in knowledge and skills of others, it is not always possible to give more prepared children such exciting tasks as to fill the lesson time with useful, interesting material for different groups students. Work to overcome negative manifestations in the baby’s behavior should come to the fore in your actions. Try to maintain interest in learning. Continue to teach your baby by talking, tell him about everything in the world, develop the flight of his imagination. Conduct a psychological adjustment before visiting school.
If it is not your existing knowledge base that is preventing you from learning, try to find the reason. There can be many of them, but the most common are:
- Low cognitive activity;
- Difficulties in mastering the material in a different form;
- Increased attention to learning from parents;
- Lack of study habit;
- Difficulty communicating with peers or a teacher;
- Reaction to conflict or tense relationships in the family;
- Negative influence of friends;
- Complexes;
There are many reasons for reluctance to learn; they can combine with each other, leading to a situation where it is very difficult to find the key to correct the situation. And this needs to be done. The sooner parents correct this situation, the better. Try to find the reasons that do not allow your child to joyfully comprehend academic disciplines, talk to your child, consult with the teacher. If you can’t find the source of your reluctance to learn new knowledge on your own, the right thing to do is turn to specialists, psychologists.
Low cognitive activity
If for any reason in preschool age the child did not receive enough attention from adults, he did not receive answers to all his questions, did not develop a natural interest in understanding the world around him, it is difficult for him to understand why he should study. This problem can be solved through communication, a direct desire to awaken a thirst for knowledge. Have various conversations, try to find something that interests your baby.
Increased attention to learning from parents
The so-called “total control”. It is a complex phenomenon when one parent’s fierce desire to control all areas of a child’s school life becomes an obstacle to learning, giving him clear recommendations, leaving no room for his own opinion and choice. Such children are constantly busy with various clubs and sections; they are not given time to rest or engage in activities at their own discretion. As a result, the baby, performing only the established minimum, loses the desire to learn new things. Under such pressure, a complete renunciation of certain types of activities and denial of any persuasion and coercion may ultimately occur.
The only way out of this situation is to change the behavior of adults and their attitude towards the child’s education. Try to teach him to make his own choices, give him the opportunity to make mistakes, but correct the situation. Preschool and school age are not only the time of learning mathematics, writing, reading and other sciences, but also psychological formation - the ability to admit and correct mistakes, make decisions and choose the appropriate option. It is impossible to raise a happy person if you constantly control him and make choices for him.
Sometimes you need to step aside and let him decide for himself what is more important to him.
Lack of study habit
Irregularity of classes in the preschool period, insufficient ability to concentrate on a task, and inability to comprehend material for some time are often the reasons why children begin to lag behind their classmates, and subsequently give up and stop striving for the established level of knowledge. This issue can be resolved by additional work on perseverance and concentration.
Difficulty communicating with peers or teacher
Not all children easily get along with their classmates and make friends. If your baby has a conflict situation or is subject to criticism from other kids or the teacher, try to understand the essence of the conflict, find the reasons for this behavior, and try to explain the situation. Perhaps he lacks communication skills. If you cannot solve the current situation on your own, you need to seek help from a psychologist. Don't leave everything as it is in the hope that things will get better with age. A child’s psychological discomfort can lead to him withdrawing, moving away from you, and making it quite difficult to help him.
Reaction to conflict or tension in family relationships
Children are very sensitive to the psychological state of the family. Sometimes parents do not quarrel among themselves, but have the habit of discussing complex issues in a raised voice in the presence of the baby or involving him in their discussions. In such a situation, he can react very painfully, and sometimes consider himself guilty of what is happening. This situation prevents him from concentrating on his studies and creates many negative consequences. To help get rid of the influence of adult relationships, you need to try to protect him from conversations on difficult topics, try to resolve conflict situations in a calmer manner. We need to talk to him. Explain that it is not his fault that his parents love him.
Every time you want to argue with each other, think about the fact that your little one is absorbing this style of communication and will use it in the future. In the case when you do not hesitate to raise your voice at your partner, do not be surprised that your baby may shout at you. Children copy behavior and accept it as the norm of communication. To improve the educational process, provide him with psychologically comfortable conditions.
Negative influence of friends
Sometimes a smart little one makes a group of friends for whom, for a number of reasons, school does not seem necessary and important. Therefore, the child begins to adopt such an attitude towards school activities, so as not to cause a negative attitude towards himself from the children he is interested in. To overcome such influence it is necessary to carry out explanatory work. Most often, children who do not have developed leadership abilities or have difficulties in perceiving their own “I” suffer.
Having noticed that your child easily succumbs to other people’s pressure, help him understand that he is also very interesting and he does not have to blindly follow a group of children; you can oppose your opinion. If he clearly knows why he needs to study and why ignoring school assignments is not correct, he will be able to resist the bad influence of his peers. Tell your child that this is not a completely correct view of life, give him an incentive to learn. In particularly difficult situations, it would not be a bad idea to transfer him to another class or school.
Hyperactivity
Currently, there is a lot of talk about the hyperactivity of children, but not everyone understands that only a doctor can make such a conclusion after analyzing the child’s behavior and life. Children with ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) need special treatment and additional methods to normalize the educational process. According to research, there are no more than 3% of such children in the world. They cannot control themselves, perform tasks that are easy for ordinary children, it is difficult for them to stay in one place for a long time, or to maintain their attention on one activity for some time. If you think this is about your child, don’t rush to conclusions. Maybe he has increased emotionality and simple work to eliminate the causes of overload will be enough. The best way to dispel doubts - contact a psychologist so that he can conduct the necessary tests. A specialist will help you improve the learning process and tell you how to avoid negative consequences.
Fatigue
If a child in the preschool period was not accustomed by his parents to constant studies, most often by the second half of the year a reluctance to study, go to school for lessons or do homework begins to appear. To solve the problem, you need to review your child’s schedule and give him the opportunity to spend more time in free form. Try to avoid overload and fatigue will gradually pass. Motivation or doing something you love relieves fatigue well.
There may be many reasons for the lack of desire to study in school-aged children, but by identifying the basis for such behavior, you will almost half correct the situation. A thorough analysis of all factors influencing attitudes towards learning will allow us to develop a strategy to avoid negative consequences.
In some cases, identifying the source and building a model to eliminate undesirable consequences is not enough. If it's difficult or you don't know if you're doing the right thing the best option will consult with a specialist. Don’t be afraid of psychologists, don’t think that people only turn to them for illnesses. No. Sometimes the source of insufficient motivation for learning is parents or their behavior. It is impossible to find or eliminate such a cause without an outsider’s view, but it is good for the situation to be assessed by a person with good knowledge.
- Be your child's parent, not a teacher. Your task is not so much to teach as to support and guide. Don't take on the role of mentor to give harsh assessments of skills. Encourage him if it is difficult for him, praise him when everything works out.
- Never tell your child that he won’t succeed or won’t cope. Faith in your baby's abilities will help him overcome challenges and help you maintain good spirits and calm.
- Support and encourage you to repeat a difficult action until complete victory. Tell and show that you, too, do not always succeed in everything the first time, and you can achieve perfection only by working hard.
- Don't overload. If you see that your baby is tired, postpone the lesson and give him time for free play or rest. The game allows you to analyze the acquired knowledge and apply it in practice. Give time to relieve tension.
- Don't get angry, don't scream, don't get upset if your child refuses to study. Try to find the reason. Perhaps the learning model you proposed does not quite suit your child or he has other reasons to avoid learning new things.
- When training, focus on the interests of your baby. You won’t be able to understand everything equally well, so try to listen to the child’s wishes. If you can’t show him or tell him about something on your own, find a club or a book that can quench his thirst for information. Don't neglect your desire to learn or learn to do something.
- Do not compare with other children, compare only with him in the past, point to achievements, and do not set someone else's bar. Psychological comfort affects not only academic performance, but also behavior. Children cannot always explain their actions or unwillingness to do something. Sometimes this is a response to events not related to school or activities. Help me understand myself and solve the problem that has arisen.
- Activities should not be used as punishment or as a substitute for games or entertainment. Each activity should have its own time, and if the child is naughty, it is better to use another method to stop the unwanted behavior. Do not associate activities and punishment in his understanding. This will negatively affect the desire to engage in this activity.
- Do not react too emotionally to your child’s mistakes, do not scare him away with your reaction. Children of preschool and primary school age must learn to make mistakes and correct them. And a very violent reaction from adults can cause them to fear the possibility of making a mistake. This will directly affect curiosity and the desire to explore this world.
- If you encounter difficulties in upbringing and training, feel free to contact specialists who will help you find answers to your questions and suggest options for preventing negative consequences.
- Everyone makes mistakes, but the ability to find your mistake in time, admit it and try to correct it will help cultivate perseverance. If you understand that you did not do the right thing somewhere, be honest with yourself and try to correct the situation.
Our children are our future. It depends on us what they will become, what heights they will achieve in life. Every parent wants only the best for their child, so do not forget that in the pursuit of knowledge and excellent skills, it is important to maintain a balance, to be, first of all, a loving parent. Accept your child for who he is, helping him develop the necessary skills for future victories. By helping and being attentive to your child’s difficulties, you can not only give him the opportunity and motive for successful studies, but also create warm, trusting relationships. They will help you avoid difficulties in adolescence.