What to do if the child does not obey. Disobedient child. How to behave if the child does not obey

Naughty children…Why do you think your child is naughty?

• because the child has his own opinion, his own interests, his own views and preferences?
• because he gets angry, cries, shows negative emotions?

What then do you want your child to be an independent person in the future or a controlled toy? If the child does not obey? What to do? Rules of upbringing and the correct reaction to disobedience.

There are several parenting styles that aim to determine the degree of obedience and model the child's personality.

• authoritarian style. It consists in suppressing the will of the child. No need to talk about what is interesting, what is not, what is needed, and what is not. If you don't understand, learn by heart. Communication between parents and child in the form of orders.
• democratic style. The child is included in the activity, has rights. Communication between parents and child in the form of a meeting.
• mixed style.

Before setting rules, consider that your opinion and your will in relation to the child is not the only true one. The task of education is to raise a person who can be responsible for himself and his actions independently.

Rules of upbringing

• There must be certain rules, restrictions, prohibitions and requirements.

It is necessary to find ways for the child to accept these rules calmly, without grief, tears and resentment.

Permissiveness in relation to children of the first years of life will not lead to anything worthwhile.

• These rules should be flexible and limited in number.

It is necessary to determine the main prohibitions (you can’t beat or bite your mother, you can’t climb to the stove or through the window, etc.). Under no circumstances should you violate them.

Always explain to your child why not. The option “because I said so” and the like are not suitable. Explain the real reason: “dangerous”, “late”. If, after the explanation, the child repeats his question “why”, this means that it is difficult for him to overcome his desire. In this case, show your child that you understand and accept his feelings.

Keeping a child in black gloves is not an option.

Regarding flexibility. Some limits can be outgrown by a child. Also remember that there are certain situations and circumstances in which certain requirements can be slightly relaxed.

• The needs of the child and parental rules must go hand in hand.

If a child wants to walk in puddles, let him walk, but in rubber boots. If a child wants to throw stones, let them throw only in a certain place or when there are no passers-by.

It is necessary to organize a certain suitable environment for the child for his activity, to direct his activity. And not to ban and scold. Where you can do without categorical prohibitions, give the child freedom of action.

• These rules must be accepted by all adults.

If mom says one thing, dad starts arguing with mom, the child will not understand your rules, but will achieve his own thanks to a split in the ranks of adults.

• Your tone should be explanatory and friendly.

Don't tell your child to do this or that! Think about how you yourself feel about various orders or the raising of the voice of your interlocutor?

Important! Children don't rebel against the rules themselves, but against the way they are enforced! Remember, if you want your child to treat you with respect, respect himself and others, respect him and his rights.

How to respond to disobedience?

• solve the problem peacefully? Maybe reconsider your requirements? Are they legal? (maybe you dressed up the child on the street and want the child to stand next to you so as not to get dirty?) Maybe you want the child to grow up the way you see him (saw yourself in childhood), and not the way he is?
• ignoring behavior? - do not mention it?
• distract the child? - switch attention, showing him something different and interesting? Suitable for little kids. Such children cannot be punished, because they still do not understand what and why.

Punishments

We often raise our children the way we were raised. So to speak, family traditions. Or maybe then remember your childhood experiences, fears, resentments and disappointments from such parental upbringing?

• physical punishment? - the child in a fit of anger makes any inappropriate actions? - these actions are provoked by the parents. It was the parents who brought the child to this state by their actions.

With all this, you can’t do anything with the damaged thing, and the child is already so scared because of what happened. You need to calm him down, and then discuss what happened.

Physical punishment intimidates and humiliates children and offends their feelings.

Do not punish a child when your feelings are stronger than your mind. Try to cool down, calm down, and then choose an adequate punishment.

If you broke loose, could not restrain yourself, ask your child for forgiveness! Especially if you were wrong, explain to the child what happened, don't delay.

• insulation? The child is excluded from joint games for a short period, no one pays attention to him at this time.

Used in many schools and kindergartens. But children can imitate the actions of adults and exclude children from their games, boycott them. And this is nothing more than a manifestation of cruelty in the children's environment.

• threats? Humiliation through words? Think about it, do we scream because it really works or because we can't help it? Trouble at work? My head hurts? After all, we will not say anything useful, but only cause the child to respond with anger, despondency or aggression.

Or the child will believe in your words and will follow them through life! This is how low self-esteem develops...

Praise your child more often, pay attention to his positive qualities.

And yet, an interesting point, tell your child stories from your childhood, but do not lie and do not embellish. So he will understand that everyone makes mistakes and mistakes, he will feel your support and your understanding.

• labor punishment? You will wash the dishes because you got into a fight! You'll read the book because you got an A!

Never say that!!! Do not punish the child with what he must do voluntarily! Otherwise, you can fix a negative attitude towards work or reading for life.

• punishment in the form of deprivation of pleasure? Gipenreiter in the book "Communicate with the child. How?" advises "It is better to punish a child by depriving him of good things than by doing him bad things."

Refuse to read a book together, go to the zoo together if the child has committed an act that really upsets you.

Always tell your child what he is being punished for and why.

Scolding a child, imagine that he is an adult or that you are in the same situation. What will they tell you in this case? How will the rest behave? They will shout, swear or say, it's okay, it happens. What do you say to the child? But the child only learns, learns the world And not everything works out the first time.

Important! The child should not be afraid of punishment, but strive to avoid bad deeds so that loved ones do not get upset.

What should parents do if the child does not obey?

Sometimes kids don't listen and that's okay! How else can a child train his will, his perseverance and his character? How will he learn to defend his interests?

• Perhaps, with his bad behavior, the child demands attention, tries to attract attention to himself, or he is jealous of you. It is necessary to understand the reasons for such behavior, only then act.

• Often the child does not listen because something is missing. He needs to satisfy his needs (to feel like someone else, to feel loved, significant and powerful, to feel his territory, and also to explore the world around him).

When the child becomes stubborn, remember these needs. You do not need to use force in order not to appear weak, or follow the lead of a child so as not to succumb to childish manipulation. You can ask the child how and when he wants to do this.

You need to learn to respond correctly to every situation, to look at it not only from your own position, but also from the side of your child. Ask yourself: “Is it important right now to get this from a child?” If the child sees that you have become calmer, the child will understand that it is no longer necessary to resist and the problem can be resolved peacefully.

• Learn to play with your child! Imagine that your child is a steam locomotive in urgent need of gas (food) or let your child be a detective following in your footsteps (when you go somewhere).

• Do not forget that you need to talk with the child, being on the same level with him. Hug the child or take the hand, look into the eyes. Be patient and involved. Do not forget to thank the child for the service rendered.

• Children take their cue from adults. If you yourself cannot keep promises and ignore the requests of the child, then what do you expect from the child?

• Children may not listen to you not because they want to, but simply because they may not remember or understand your long multi-step instructions.

There are a huge number of different books on child psychology. However, you should not put everything you read into practice. Do not copy someone else's experience. Look for the perfect solution for you and your child.

And remember that if a child shows interest, experiences emotions, learns to live independently in this world, has his own point of view and can defend it, tests your rules for strength - this is normal and correct. That's how it should be! If the child fulfills all your requests silently, never shows emotions (both negative and positive), it is worth considering and seeking help.

Good afternoon.
There was a problem in communicating with the child. (Boy 5 years and 4 months). Unfortunately, this happened at the age of 1.5, she left with her grandmother. She came once every 2-2.5 months (long distances). My husband visits the child once a month. At the age of 4, she took me to her (housing and a queue in the garden appeared). We live far away from my husband. Once or twice a year he sees the child.
It's hard to get him out of the house. He is comfortable at home.
Categorical and stubborn. If he said no, then no.
In the garden, at first they offended him, he was uncomfortable, it seemed that he was afraid of everything.
On Friday, the teacher complained that he did not obey, he could repeat several times so that he heard. Throwing cars. Says he's bored. On music and physical education, or lies on the floor or hides, does not want to do it.
At home, too, periodically says I'm bored. I'm trying to do something. But sometimes cooking, cleaning and small working moments, and he is alone, and if you do not pay attention, because he is busy, he is offended and after a while issues a protest. Sleep problems lately. In a dream, he can sit down, you will immediately put him to sleep further. Talks in his sleep. Difficult to lay down. It seems like he fell asleep and then his eyes are open and put on a new one. Either he says I don’t want to and I won’t sleep. What to do? How to build relationships.
I try to explain in a good way, sometimes I scream when it starts and I give a pope. But nothing. I kick myself for breaking it. But everything is on me and sometimes I can not stand it.
I'm afraid at one point he will stop listening at all and there will be a disaster.
I read a book about stars and that if a star falls, you can make wishes. He said he wanted the money to fall and then the toys. Maybe because I say that hard to earn money .
Help advice. I want to be friends with my son, not to sort things out

Son 5 years old - does not obey, self-willed

Hello Annette!
You are right in fearing that things could get worse. And it's good that you want to figure everything out now.
The guy lacks the main guideline in his emerging life, of course, this is his father. Features of the development of boys is that there is the closest man nearby, whom he could imitate and understand this world with its boundaries and rules. If there is no one to teach these boundaries, and there is only a mother who demonstrates instability, changeability of character, does not know how to say no and keep her word, then the child feels insecure, unstable. Mom should not beat the boy, this creates an aggressive attitude towards women in him, then he can treat them very cruelly and dismissively, including you in the first place. I understand that you are doing this out of impotence and hopelessness, but just know this. You can't be friends with your son either. Better to build trust. This is a boy, that is, after all, a man. He must learn responsibility and protect you from problems and dangers. Therefore, instill in him a sense of self-worth, treat him with respect and better explain everything a million times instead of one slap on the pope. A slap will close it from you, and explanations and patience will sooner or later give respect. And since he is growing up without a dad, you will have to use the male part of the female part in upbringing. As a man - teach him responsibility, discipline, and protecting his mother. As a woman - respect him, ask for opinions and always convince instead of coercion. After all, while he is small, you can still force him to do something by force, but he will grow up and be stronger than you, and then these arguments will not help, and time will be lost. In general, this is a long conversation, I hope I was able to briefly explain the general principles to you. Strength and understanding to you. Sincerely, Alexander Kovalchuk.

Why the child does not obey, such a question is asked to themselves, one way or another, by any parents. And, probably, from time to time, any parent has a desire to have perfect child. After all, he plays quietly, is always obedient, does not break anything, does not fight with anyone and does not interfere with his mother doing household chores. However, much more often it is necessary to control, punish, repeat and prevent. The child not only does not obey, but often becomes uncontrollable and even tries to do the opposite. Why is this happening and how to raise a naughty child?

Causes of child disobedience

The child grows up and more and more actively explores the world around him. Of course, not without bruises and abrasions, as well as broken cups and broken toys. It is foolish to demand from him the unquestioning fulfillment of all the requests and requirements of the parents. However, if the baby does not respond to strict prohibitions or generally prefers to ignore his mother's words, it is worth sorting it out. Maybe the fidget has another age crisis, or are the parents to blame for children's disobedience?

1. Lack of attention

The most common cause of child misbehavior is the struggle for the attention of always busy moms and dads. Of course, parents would be happy to spend as much time as possible with their children, but due to various circumstances, they see them only in the evenings or weekends. The kid wants adults to spend all their free time with him: talking, reading fairy tales, drawing, sculpting and playing. Instead, he is left alone with a huge amount of toys. At best, his grandmother is engaged in his upbringing. Perhaps he would like to attract the attention of his parents in an acceptable way, however, due to his small age, he has only whims, tantrums and disobedience in store.

2. Age crisis

These periods are different for every child. One child does not change at all, while the other begins a “holiday of disobedience”. Whims, constant outbursts of anger and frequent conflicts with family members are the usual behavior of a child during a crisis period.

Experts identify the following crises childhood: crisis of one year (12-18 months), three years (2-4 years), seven years and adolescence. How painlessly and fully the child will pass them depends on the atmosphere prevailing in the family.

3. Mistakes in education

There are no perfect parents. Therefore, mistakes in raising children are inevitable. Problems with the child's behavior arise when mistakes are repeated over and over again and turn into a system.

Children do not obey if:

Receive unjustified prohibitions (a large number of prohibitions leads to their violation);

Parents are inconsistent (yesterday it was possible to splash in the bathroom, today it is no longer possible, and tomorrow we will see again; mom allowed, but dad forbade);

They are made excessive demands (numerous developmental activities, sports sections and art circles can undermine the psychological health of the child);

Temperament and other features of development are not taken into account (it is difficult to expect a calm, quiet game from a choleric person);

They see an example of adults (if parents themselves swear, they have no right to demand that children express themselves in literary language).

4. Illness or stress

A child can become naughty and purely for physical reasons. Feeling unwell, tired or overwhelmed by new impressions of the nervous system - all this possible reasons childish disobedience. Before applying disciplinary actions, take an interest in the general condition of the baby.

often on bad behavior complain the parents of those children who have moved to another kindergarten or school. The divorce of parents and the appearance of a brother or sister can cause stress in a child and, as a result, protest and a desire to attract attention. Even through whims and tantrums.

How can I reconnect with my child?

Are you upset that your child is not listening to you? Here are some tips that might help you.

1. Instead of scolding or ordering, try to explain to the child. Shouts and commands make children feel like you are on the other side of the barricade. The more clearly the baby understands that you fully support him, the more likely he will listen to you. In addition, children, like adults, understand why they should or should not do things. So instead of yelling or swearing, try to talk to your child.

2. Make sure your child feels understood and heard. Try to listen carefully to your baby. Make sure he understands how important his opinion and desire is to you. It turns out an interesting pattern: the better you understand the point of view of your child, the easier it will be to convey your wish to him.

3. Methods of education in the family should not contradict each other. If mom and dad can't come to the same denominator in matters of discipline, the child is lost, and the words of the parents become less significant. So make sure you and your spouse agree on what you're going to say to your baby. In case of disagreement, do not conflict in his presence. Talk alone.

4. Do not forget that you are an example for a child. Children often do not listen to parental notations, but look at their actions. So if you smoke, then don't be surprised if you see your child with a cigarette in a few years. And numerous lectures on the dangers of smoking will not help.

5. If your child gets away with everything, then he will stop listening to you. Instead of threatening sanctions, always stick to the established rules. If for some offense you have determined the appropriate punishment, apply it. Just do not punish the baby in the heat of the moment, first try to calm down and analyze the cause and depth of the misconduct.

6. Sometimes conflicts and protests arise because the child does not want to realize your ambitions and dreams that you transfer to him. Think about what is more important: the psychological health of the child or the realization of your unfulfilled desires?

7. Sometimes we forget that children have self-esteem too. Do not criticize your child in front of other people. If you want your baby to obey you, avoid saying or doing things that might offend him.

A child is not born obedient, it is the upbringing and good attitude of adults that makes him so. Think about the number of prohibitions: the fewer there are, the more reasons the child has to obey you. Rewards are much more effective than punishments. If you praise the baby for good behavior, then this alone will awaken in him the desire to behave in such a way as to once again hear parental praise.

The child does not obey, and often parents do not know what to do in such a situation, shout, punish or persuade. What should parents do if the child does not obey and where does disobedience come from? The child has his own opinion, his desires and goals, he strives to satisfy his own and get what he wants, he is simply curious about a lot, and if parents "get in the way" of the child, i.e. the requirements of the parents do not coincide with the ideas and desires of the child, then all this ends with disobedience, the child does not want to do what he is not interested in, does not need or simply does not want, and this is the result: the child does not obey.

Certain ways of interacting with a child, or patterns of parental behavior, can in some way provoke situations of disobedience. Let's look at several reasons why the child does not obey you:

• If parents address the child in an orderly tone. Think about it, if you are told “quickly put everything together and left the room”, what is your first reaction? The first reaction to an order is disobedience, this kind is perceived as humiliation and even on a subconscious level the child is not pleasant.
• If parents ignore the needs of the child and his feelings. Communication with a child at the level of “I don’t care what you want, I told you to do ...” or “he wants to drink until you take away the toys - no drinks” forms in the child a feeling of uselessness and dislike for him.
• If there are no prohibitions for the child, namely, in the upbringing, rules, norms and prohibitions were not allocated, without which the child's behavior is formed chaotically. If a child grows up in a situation of “permissiveness”, and parents, grandparents and other relatives do everything “if only the child is happy”, then at one fine moment something happens that happens: the child does not obey anyone, throws tantrums and demands his own.
• If a child uses disobedience as manipulation, i.e. does not obey until you agree to its terms, after which it becomes a “silk” sweet child who understands and fulfills everything ... Until such a new moment.

How to be parents in a situation where the child does not obey?

First of all, it is worth remembering that children take an example from adults, so if parents "allow" themselves not to fulfill promises or ignore the requests of the child, then he will behave in the same way, promise and not fulfill, not heed the requests of parents. Thus, if the child does not obey, perhaps the reason lies in the behavior of adults.

On a note:

• Address your child respectfully, in a tone that clarifies rather than indicates. Imperative notes cause internal protest and encourage the child not to listen to you. It is desirable that your words contain an explanation, for example, "pack up your toys so that there is more room in the room" or "remove the balls from the floor so that no one falls." So you reduce the likelihood of situations where the child does not obey you.
• Listen to your child, it is important for him to be heard, it is important that you understand him. If you do not listen to the child, he will not listen to you, because by infringing on his rights and needs, bringing to the fore only your requirements for the child, you provoke the formation of a negative attitude of the child towards you.
• Prohibitions and rules are necessary when raising a child, they not only shape his behavior, help develop discipline, responsibility and courtesy, but also structure the child's time. The correct distribution of time, certain skills and abilities will allow you and your child to avoid conflicts, including those related to the fact that he does not obey you.
• in our life we ​​meet quite often and the “best” manipulators are children, they very quickly understand what and how to get from their parents. And such tactics as "behave well to get what you want" are very common in families. If parents understand that the child obeys them only so that they fulfill his desire, then you should not reinforce such behavior.

Thus, if the child does not obey you, pay attention to your behavior and analyze the relationship with the child in the family. No matter how old the child is, two, ten or fourteen, these recommendations will be very relevant.

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Reviews (11) on «The child does not obey. How to be parents?

That's right, it's not in vain that they say that children are a mirror of their parents. If you want to be treated with respect, listen to you, do the same and it doesn’t matter who is in front of you: an adult or your child.

Thanks for your articles! Hope it helps us. My child is very aggressive (we are 1 year old and 8 months old): almost like him, immediately wave his arms, beat, throw things ... at the moment of his aggression, I quickly remove everything from the table, I don’t have time to react and explain that it’s bad ... on the street we always kick a gulek or kitty, I crouch, I say that kitty will be in pain, she will cry, but there is no result. as he kicked kitties and children and kicks.
We're just tired of fighting his aggression...

• Good afternoon, Svetlana.

  We had a similar situation. I often punished a child for disobedience with spanking "a-ta-ta", and sometimes with a strap. As a result, our child began to do the same to us - to hit us, even with his fist, if we refused to comply with his request. And when he got angry, he hit the wall with his fist. We stopped punishing physically, but replaced the punishment with “stand in the corner”, it turned out to be more effective. Now (2 years 4 months). In most cases, it’s enough: to sit next to you, hug, say “listen to me or listen to what I tell you”, the child listens with pleasure, he is glad that dad hugged him and talks like with an adult on the same level. Tell your child more often that you love him. Good behavior will follow immediately.

  There are times when a child has played or gone too far (skip the usual time for sleep) and it is impossible to stop him, then it’s enough just to remind him how dad or mom can punish, since all the punishments are already in the child’s memory and there is no need to apply them anymore.

  I wish you success in raising your child! And remember that there are very few cultured and educated people today. To replenish the ranks of cultured and respectful persons is our task, as wise and appreciating kind high altruistic interpersonal relations of people!

I also get that impression. Theoretically wonderful recommendations, just ideal parents with the same theoretical and ideal children. But parents are living people and children too, sometimes stubborn, inventive experimenters, and there is still life, which also has some kind of time frame. Our collection of toys by a 5-year-old son and a 3-year-old daughter turns into a show. if you persuade and explain, they understand everything. and respectfully answer like that, and then the collection of toys turns into new game, and everything is in a circle and when the request is to remove the toys (I will help you, you start "... "We will play this and that when we remove everything" "We need to remove everything so that there is more room to walk ..."), when all the options have been tried and it's already 11 at night and things are still there. of course, the parent will explode, because there is no end to such persuasion, because you still have to brush your teeth, swim, go to bed, and so on ... and the throwing begins - let him clean it up. but she didn’t collect this ... And mom and dad begin to say exactly what is not recommended to be said in this wonderful article ...

• Sveta, recommendations are therefore called recommendations (and not instructions), so that we remember what we should strive for. What you described is familiar to every family, here are the age characteristics, and the living conditions of this particular day (did not get enough sleep, did not play enough, etc.). Many are familiar with the situation when one day the child obeys and you can calmly agree with him, and on another day nothing can be done, everything is “somersault”. For children, the leading activity is play, even children dress and eat while playing. Love, patience and respect for own child- the main recommendation, but no one canceled the discipline. Many behavioral responses in children are temporary age-related accents, so it is best for parents to understand how to behave with a child. When reading articles by psychologists, take note of possible solutions to situations, enrich your knowledge, but do not consider it as an instruction.

D.d. I have a daughter, she is 7 years old, and a son is 5 years old. My daughter is in 1st grade. From birth, the girl was very active. The development of the child was in full swing, at the age of 5 she knew the alphabet. I gave her all my free time, took care of her, played, gave her all my love. Now, as we went to school, we have a huge problem, the lessons for her are tired, I don’t want to. I don’t want to clean up after myself, I don’t want to go through everything, I won’t. I quit my job for her so I could be first class with her. We do our homework - we must force her to sit next to her. I’ll leave for 5 minutes, all she flies in the clouds, we count the birds, she draws. at school, the same thing can not concentrate and study. 3 quarter barely barely stretched to 4ku. The teacher is complaining. Doesn't want to read, doesn't want to write. Everything comes to screaming. Tired, I don’t know what to do with her, maybe I can let everything take its course ...

Good afternoon, please help! We are going to school this year, the kindergarten teacher says that they will not tolerate him at school, that he is uncontrollable. He disrupts school preparation classes, English, music classes and physical education. to school, my child is standing outside the door, he does not want to listen and does not give to other children. From him all the children. the kindergarten is on its ears, the teachers refuse to go to replace them in their group. I asked the question of my child being removed from the preschool. Please help me figure it out, maybe the problem of this behavior of the child comes from the wrong upbringing or approach to it? a close relationship with the children in the group, he says that he does not know how to be friends, although I did not notice this for him. From the very youngest he was a very sociable boy and always found mutual language both with an adult and with a child. Such terrible behavior has been going on for about 3 years, it seems to me that I will soon go crazy. Daily requests, persuasion, my tears do not work on him, I tried it with a belt, I still remember that I beat him, although a year has passed. Now I want to take him to a psychologist, do you think it will help to figure out where his legs grow?

We have a very serious problem with a 7-year-old girl. The problem is very similar to the one that Elmira told. The daughter is brought up by her mother alone from the age of 3, her father passed away 4 years ago. The girl is in first grade. He does not want to study, he behaves defiantly, fights with the boys, and there are regular complaints from the teacher. Mom arranged her life, got married, there are no more children in the family, Stepfather treats the child well. The child constantly stands up: I don’t want, I won’t. What to do?

I raised my son from the very beginning, or rather, I walked next to him and corrected him. And so he went to the garden at 2.5. We did everything according to the rules and the son went to the garden with great joy, and I went to work. I have been keeping a daily routine since birth. Helps with cleaning and laundry. We support his endeavors. In short, everything is according to the books of psychoanalysis. And what we have for almost 5 years, and I am his personal toy. If he hears a refusal from me (I argue everything), then all wait for a tantrum with a demand, of course I resist this. Sometimes I peacefully continue to do things, and sometimes I yell. Then I explain the causes and effects to him, he nods and then again the same way. Tried to punish a couple of times, not effective.
And now, dear psychologists, tell me, if children are a reflection of their parents, then how, being with a husband in life without scandals and mutual compromises, and requests, we get a little donkey who has turned into a whiner and always does everything in defiance of his parents?

Parents often complain that a 9-year-old child does not obey, not wanting to admit that this is their own fault in the first place. Children can behave capriciously at 2 years old, and at 6 years old, and at 9, but there are reasons for each age, and you need to figure them out. It is the parents, as the most loving and understanding people for the child, who should help him overcome this barrier and get rid of his disobedience. But not everyone has enough knowledge and patience, so such families often become patients with a psychologist. There is nothing wrong with that. Moreover, it is a specialist who will help you quickly and more correctly understand a difficult situation.

If the baby does not listen to his parents at 2-3 years old, this phenomenon is considered quite normal. Age allows such behavior, but it must be gradually corrected, otherwise it will be difficult for everyone later.

Parents sometimes do not understand that naughty children suffer greatly. This is especially true for those for whom such behavior is a method of expressing protest. These children, after another unpleasant situation, will be under severe stress, and a whole series of quarrels will drive them into depression. At the age of 9-10 years, this can leave a strong psychological trauma, which then develops into a severe psychological trauma, which will certainly affect the future life of a person.

Therefore, it is imperative to look for solutions, and there can be a lot of them. But the main thing is to determine the essence of the problem. There are a lot of reasons why a child can behave naughty, ignore requests, avoid communication and just throw tantrums. Each situation has its own method of solving the problem.

parenting style

All children react differently to certain psychological situations. And a lot depends not on character, but on acquired skills that are transmitted through.

Parents may have different requirements for their child. Someone in the family does not have them at all. But the result of upbringing can sometimes be very surprising when, at a certain point, adults begin to notice that their nine-year-old child has become simply uncontrollable.

Often the problem of disobedience is faced by families in which an authoritarian parenting style is used. Basically, fathers resort to this method, but recently psychologists often encounter excessive maternal authority in the life of a child. In this case, there is too much pressure on the fragile child's psyche. The child is not brought up, but trained. At the same time, he becomes not obedient, but depressed, without the opportunity to exercise his will. But one day such pressure still has to find a way out. And this can be expressed in the form of disobedience, and most often simple ignoring of family members.

It is much easier to raise your child in a democratic style. This means that all issues in the family that relate to behavior, learning and other important moments for the child will not be connected with orders, but with a meeting. Here is a great method for building relationships with anyone, at any age. However, some parents here give up slack, which comes out in the form of disobedience in the future. Some children are too open good attitude to them, considering it permissiveness. But it will be quite simple to correct this situation, because you can always agree with a child who grows up in a democratic environment. He will not close in on himself, like those children who were brought up by parents-authorities.

The third style of parenting, which experts distinguish in a separate category, is called mixed. This is a rather controversial situation, which can be either an ideal solution or a complete failure. In this case, parents behave quite democratically, they always consult with their child in everything, but if the rules are violated, they begin to act harshly. In this case, the child either adapts to the situation and tries to always behave well, or experiences fate and lives only from one spanking to another.

Reasons for disobedience

Every age has its own rules of conduct. But this does not mean at all that a child from an early age should be allowed everything just because he is still too small. Explain the rules right away. In this case, by the age of 9, parents will not have their precious child.

As for education at an older age, that is, about 9-10 years old, then everything is complicated here. Much depends on the model of parental behavior that was used earlier. Families where the authoritarian style was used should somewhat reconsider their attitude to education. If a preschooler can still come to terms with the fact that he is constantly ordered to do something, then by the third grade the child may no longer tolerate such an attitude towards himself. It is better to change the commanding tone to a discussion or a request. There is nothing wrong with the fact that a parent will ask something from his child. There is no need to be afraid that the authority will drop to zero in this case, it is possible that it will even increase in the eyes of the child. In turn, a rude tone and orders are unpleasant for everyone, even for those who have been accustomed to such treatment since childhood.

Parents who raise their children this way should be prepared for the fact that one day the cup of patience will be overflowing and then it will definitely result in a lot of trouble, and first of all, in capriciousness. A child can start expressing his protest as early as 9 years old, but in adolescence the situation could become critical.

Another problem is ignoring the requests and needs of the child. This is a very important point. When parents do not hear their child or deliberately ignore his wishes, believing that they know better what the child needs now, a feeling of uselessness begins to form. One of the forms of expression of such a state will necessarily be capriciousness. IN school age such situations are very dangerous. The life of a child can be quite difficult due to the stress of studying, preparing for transitional age. If this is added to the feeling that even the parents do not love him, this can become a very serious injury.

It is impossible not to consider a very typical situation when everything is allowed in a family from an early age. For a child, there are no barriers either in communication or in actions. Such children will be very sociable and active, but uncontrollable. When a child is at a certain age, there must be people and norms of behavior that could influence him. Otherwise, the situation can get out of control and become critical. Such children, for whom there were no restrictions and laws in the family, may become criminals in the future, since generally accepted rules will not be important for them either.

Parents who indulge their baby in everything, just to make him happy, risk facing the fact that their 9-year-old child will grow up to be a real manipulator. In this case, any refusal of the child's demands will be expressed in the form of disobedience and tantrums.

All this suggests that the main reasons for children's disobedience depend on the parents. No need to get the situation out of control early age, then you don’t have to worry about the capriciousness of the baby by the age of 10. If it was not possible to avoid problems, you need to learn how to deal with whims, but do it right. Do not forget that the most difficult period is just around the corner, namely. If by this time the parents do not establish normal contact with their child, much bigger problems will have to be solved.

How to overcome disobedience?

If bad behavior, rude conversations with parents, teachers and just adults on the street have become the norm for a child by the age of 9, you need to understand the problem in detail. For starters, you should pay attention to your own behavior pattern. Children in all take an example from adults. Therefore, it is very important to behave yourself correctly. Without fulfilling this point, you should not count on success. If children see that their parents are constantly quarreling, talking rudely to each other and treating others negatively, it is worth waiting for the fact that on the part of the child this will necessarily manifest itself in the form of capriciousness and disobedience.

If parents are accustomed to an authoritarian style, it is necessary to make some adjustments in communication, since 9-10 years old is already quite a long age. The child will not just endure orders, he needs respect, and especially from his parents. If he constantly hears only instructions, there may be a protest. Therefore, adults need to explain their words in such a way that it looks not like an order, but like a recommendation. For example, you can replace the phrase: “Clean your room immediately” with: “Please do the cleaning so that the room becomes more spacious and comfortable.”

If parents constantly talk, but do not hear the answer of their child, this is very bad. The child may not find another way to convey his words to adults and will simply begin to act up. The solution to the issue lies in the usual dialogue.

Most of the causes of disobedience and methods of dealing with them are in the parents. Excessive prohibitions or unlimited freedom - all this has a bad effect on education. In such a delicate moment, everything must be balanced. And it is important not to miss contact with the child at the stage when everything can still be corrected. If by the age of 9 a quiet and obedient child suddenly began to show his character, there is no need to be surprised, it is necessary to find the cause and eliminate it. Many parents forget about the feelings of their children, simply by acting according to the rules or according to a previously planned plan. But every family and every situation is different. Therefore, it cannot be argued that in a particular situation it is possible to solve the problem in one way or another without knowing its essence and all the details.

Thus, if the child has ceased to obey, and the parents fail to establish contact with him, do not be shy to talk about your problem. But only the audience should not be friends and relatives, but professionals.

Can disobedience be considered a mental disorder?

Many parents who carefully monitor not only the physical but also the emotional state of their children often become worried when they note suspicious behavior. For example, in some families there are children who can be absent-minded, gather for a long time, sometimes even ignore the requests of adults, or simply refuse to contact people. Adults sometimes perceive such a situation as a serious deviation from the norm and the height of disobedience.

But in fact, everything is much simpler. This is exactly what kids with high intelligence often do. They are simply bored with conversations with ordinary people, and they cannot always listen to the request of an adult, since their brain at this moment may be busy solving other important issues in their opinion. In this case, the parents have only one way out - to come to terms with the genius in the family. No need to put pressure on the child, as this can disrupt his psyche and have an extremely negative impact in the future.

An overly obedient child, but with an unhappy look, is a cause for concern. This is a sure sign that parents overdid it with educational measures.