A three-year-old child throws a tantrum. A child is having a tantrum: what to do?
During a hysteria, the child loses self-control, and his general state is characterized as extremely agitated. Hysterics in a child are accompanied by the following signs: crying, screaming, waving movements of legs and arms. During attacks, the baby may bite himself or nearby people, fall to the floor, and there are cases of hitting his head against the wall. The baby in this state does not perceive familiar words and beliefs, reacts inadequately to speech. This period is not suitable for explanations and reasoning. Conscious influence on adults is designed to ensure that in the end he gets what he wants. Often this behavior has a positive effect.
During a hysteria, the child is characterized by an extremely unstable emotional state and is capable of inappropriate actions.Causes
The older the baby, the more personal desires and interests he has. Sometimes these views are at odds with what parents think. There is a clash of positions. The child sees that he cannot achieve what he wants and begins to get angry and nervous. Such tense situations provoke the appearance of hysterical states. We list the main factors influencing this:
- the baby is not able to declare and express his dissatisfaction;
- an attempt to attract attention to oneself;
- the desire to get something needed;
- overwork, hunger, lack of sleep;
- painful condition during the period of exacerbation of the disease or after it;
- an attempt to become like other children or to be like an adult;
- the result of excessive guardianship and excessive severity of parents;
- the child’s positive or negative actions do not have a clear reaction from adults;
- the system of rewards and punishments is poorly developed;
- when a child is taken away from some exciting activity;
- improper upbringing;
- weak nervous system, unbalanced behavior.
Having once seen something like this in their baby, parents often don’t know how to react and how to stop it? My only wish during attacks is for them to end as soon as possible and not start again. Parents can influence their frequency. The duration of such situations will depend on their correct and rational behavior.
Errors in response will lead to unpleasant moments dragging on for many years. A calm reaction to hysterical attacks, the absence of a reaction as such, will reduce children's hysterics to “no” in the shortest possible time.
Difference from whims
Before you start fighting hysterical attacks, you should distinguish between the two concepts of “hysteria” and “whim”. Whims are deliberate actions aimed at obtaining what is desired, impossible or forbidden. Whims manifest themselves similarly to hysterics: stomping, screaming, throwing objects. Whims are often born where there is no way to fulfill them - for example, you want to eat candy, but there is none in the house, or go for a walk, and it’s raining outside the window.
Children's tantrums are characterized by involuntary behavior. The baby cannot cope with emotions, and this spills over into physical manifestations. Thus, in a hysterical state, a child tears out his hair, scratches his face, cries loudly or bangs his head against the wall. It can be stated that sometimes there are even involuntary convulsions, which are called “hysterical bridge”. A child in this state arches.
Stages of attacks
How do children's tantrums manifest themselves? 2-3 years – age characterized by the following stages of attacks:
Stage | Description |
Scream | The loud screams of a child frighten parents. In this case, no requirements are put forward. During the onset of another tantrum, the baby sees and hears nothing around. |
Motor excitement | The main characteristics of the period: active throwing of things, stomping, hitting with legs, arms and head against the wall, floor. The baby does not feel pain at such moments. |
Sobbing | The child's tears begin to flow. They simply flow in streams, and the whole appearance of the little one expresses resentment. A baby who has crossed the second stage and has not received consolation in it continues to sob for a very long time. Little ones have a very difficult time coping with the emotions that wash over them. Having received calm only at the last stage, the child will be completely exhausted and will express a desire to sleep during the daytime. He falls asleep quickly, but sleeps restlessly at night. |
When hysterical, a child may fall to the floor and arch, which is especially shocking to unprepared parents
The weak and unbalanced type of the child’s nervous system is most susceptible to severe attacks. Hysterical manifestations also occur before the age of 1 year. They are characterized by heart-rending, prolonged crying. What can cause this condition? The reason can be even a minimal error in care: the mother did not change her wet pants, a feeling of thirst or hunger, a need to sleep, pain from colic. Such children are characterized by constant waking up at night. One year old baby may continue to cry for a long time, even if the causes have already been eliminated.
Tantrums in a child aged 1.5-2 years
Children as young as one and a half years old throw tantrums due to emotional overstrain and fatigue. A psyche that is not fully established gives such results, but what older child, the more conscious are his hysterical attacks. In this way he manipulates the feelings of his parents, achieving his goals.
By the age of 2, a grown-up baby already understands well how to use the words “I don’t want”, “no” and understands the meaning of the phrase “you can’t”. Having realized the mechanism of their action, he begins to apply them in practice. A two-year-old cannot yet express his protest or disagreement verbally, so he resorts to a more expressive form - hysterical fits.
The aggressive and unbridled behavior of a 1-2 year old child shocks parents; they do not know what the correct reaction will be. The baby screams, waves his arms, rolls on the floor, scratches - all these actions require an adequate response from adults. Some adults succumb to provocations and fulfill all the wishes of the little one, and another part resorts to physical punishment in order to wean them from this in the future.
When hysterical, a child can become aggressive and unbridled, but parents should not panic and follow the lead of the little dictator
Correct response: what is it?
What should be the reaction to hysterical attacks of a two-year-old? The basis is often a whim, expressed in the words “I won’t”, “give”, “I don’t want”, etc. If you fail to prevent a hysterical attack, put aside thoughts about calming your child. Also, you should not reason with him or scold him, this will only further inflame his impulse. Don't leave your child alone. It is important to keep him in sight, so the baby will not be scared, but will remain confident.
Once you give in to the baby, you risk having this happen again. Do not contribute to the consolidation of this skill, do not follow the lead. Once he feels that the child is achieving his goal with his behavior, he will resort to this method again and again.
A one-time weakness in an adult can turn into a long-term problem. It’s also not worth beating or punishing a child; physical pressure will not bring results, but will only worsen the child’s behavior. Completely ignoring children's hysterics really helps. Seeing that his efforts are in vain and if they do not bring desired result, the child will refuse this method of influence.
You can gently and calmly reassure him by telling the baby how much you love him, while hugging him tightly and holding him in your arms. Try to be more dear and gentle, even if he gets very angry, screams or knocks his head. Do not forcefully restrain a toddler who is escaping from your embrace. In a situation where the baby is hysterical because he does not want to stay with someone (with his grandmother, with his teacher), then you should leave the room as quickly as possible, leaving him with an adult. Delaying the moment of separation will only prolong the process of child hysteria.
Tantrums in public places
It is very difficult for parents to control the process of hysterical demands in public places Oh. It is much easier and safer for a 2-year-old child to give in in order to stop the noise and establish calm, but this opinion is extremely erroneous. The sidelong glances of others should not worry you at this moment; the most important thing is the same reaction to similar actions.
Having given in once and quelled the scandal, you provoke a second repetition of the situation. The baby asks for a toy in the store - be firm in your refusal. Do not react to his stomping, indignation and dissatisfaction of any kind. Seeing the confident and unshakable behavior of the parents, the child will understand that hysterical fits do not help achieve what they want. Remember that the baby throws hysterical attacks for the purpose of influence, often in public places, counting on the opinion of the public.
The best response is to wait a little. After the attack ends, you should calm the baby down, hug him and gently inquire about the reason for his behavior, and also tell him that talking to him is much more pleasant when he is in a calm state.
Tantrums in a 3 year old child
A 3-year-old child wants to be independent and feel mature and independent. The baby already has his own desires and wants to defend his rights before adults. Children of 3 years old are on the verge of new discoveries and begin to feel like a unique individual; they can behave differently in such a difficult period (we recommend reading:). The main characteristics of this stage are negativism, stubbornness and self-will. Tantrums in a 3-year-old child often discourage parents. Just yesterday their little one did everything with joy and pleasure, but today he does everything in defiance. Mom asks to eat soup, and the baby throws the spoon, or dad calls to him, and the child persistently ignores these requests. It seems that the main words of a three-year-old become “I don’t want”, “I won’t”.
We go out to fight hysterics
How to deal with children's tantrums? When weaning your child from this harmful activity, it is important not to concentrate your attention on his bad actions. Give up the desire to break his character, this will not lead to anything good. Of course, allowing a child to do whatever he wants is also unacceptable. How then to deal with this disaster? The child must understand that hysteria does not help achieve any results. Wise grandmothers and mothers know that The best way in such cases, switch the child’s attention to something else, distract him. Choose interesting alternatives: watch your favorite cartoon or study or play together. This method will not work if the baby is already at the height of hysteria. Then the best thing is to wait it out.
When showing tantrums at home, clearly formulate your idea that any conversations with him will only be after he calms down. At this moment, do not pay any more attention to him and do household chores. Parents should set an example of how to control their emotions and remain calm. When the baby calms down, talk to him and tell him how much you love him and that his whims will not help achieve anything.
When whims happen in a crowded place, try to take or take the child to a place where there will be fewer spectators. Regular tantrums in your baby require a more attentive attitude to the words you say to the child. Avoid situations where the answer to your question may be negative. You shouldn’t say categorically: “Get dressed quickly, it’s time to go outside!” Create the illusion of choice: “Will you wear a red sweater or a blue sweater?” or “Where would you like to go, to the park or playground?”
Approaching the age of 4 years, the child will change - children's tantrums will subside and pass as suddenly as they appeared. The baby is reaching the age when he already has the ability to talk about his desires, emotions and feelings.
Sometimes a regular cartoon helps distract a child and redirect his attention.
Tantrums in a 4 year old child
Often we, adults, ourselves provoke the appearance of whims and hysterics in children. Permissiveness, lack of boundaries and concepts of “no” and “no” do a disservice to the child. The baby falls into the trap of parental carelessness. So, 4-year-old children perfectly feel the slack and if the mother says “no”, then the grandmother can allow it. It is important for parents and all raising adults to agree and discuss what is permitted and prohibited, as well as inform the child. After this, you should strictly adhere to the established rules. All adults must be united in their methods of education and not violate the prohibitions of others.
Komarovsky claims that frequent children's whims and hysterics may indicate the presence of diseases of the nervous system. You should contact a neurologist or psychologist for help if:
- there is an increased occurrence of hysterical situations, as well as their aggressiveness;
- there is a disturbance or interruption of breathing during attacks, the child loses consciousness;
- tantrums continue after 5-6 years of age;
- the baby hits or scratches himself or others;
- hysterics appear at night in combination with nightmares, fears and frequent mood swings;
- After an attack, the child experiences vomiting, shortness of breath, lethargy and fatigue.
When doctors determine the absence of any diseases, the cause should be sought in family relationships. The baby's immediate environment can also have a great influence on the occurrence of hysterical attacks.
Prevention
How to deal with children's tantrums? It is important for parents to catch the moment close to an attack. Perhaps the baby purses his lips, sniffles or sobs slightly. Noticing such characteristic features, try to switch the baby to something interesting.
Distract your child's attention by showing the view from the window or changing the room with an interesting toy. This technique is relevant at the very beginning of a child’s hysteria. If the attack is actively developing, this method will not produce results. To prevent hysterical conditions, Dr. Komarovsky gives the following advice:
- Compliance with rest and daily routine.
- Avoid overwork.
- Respect the child’s right to personal time and allow him to play for his own pleasure.
- Put your child's feelings into words. For example, say: “You’re upset that they took your toy” or “You’re angry because mom didn’t give you candy.” This way you will teach your child to talk about his feelings and give them verbal form. Gradually he will learn to control them. Once you have set boundaries, make it clear that their violation will not be tolerated. For example, a baby screams in public transport, you explain: “I understand that you are angry with me, but screaming on the bus is unacceptable.”
- Do not help your child do things that he can do on his own (take off his pants or go down the stairs).
- Let your child choose, for example, what jacket to wear when going outside, or what playground to go for a walk.
- Assuming there is no choice, express it like this: “Let's go to the clinic.”
- When your baby starts crying, distract him by asking him to find an object or show him where something is.
Children's tantrums can complicate the life of anyone, even very patient adults. Just yesterday the baby was a “darling”, but today he has been replaced - he screams for any reason, squeals, falls to the floor, bangs his head against the walls and carpet, and no amount of persuasion helps. Such unpleasant scenes are almost never just one-off protests. Often, a child’s tantrums are repeated systematically, sometimes several times a day.
This cannot but worry and puzzle parents who wonder what they did wrong, whether everything is okay with the baby and how to stop these antics. The authoritative, famous children's doctor Evgeniy Komarovsky tells moms and dads how to respond to children's tantrums.
About the problem
Children's tantrums are a ubiquitous phenomenon. And even if the parents of a toddler say that they have the calmest baby in the world, this does not mean that he never makes a scene out of the blue. Until recently, it was somehow embarrassing to admit to hysterics in one’s own child; parents were embarrassed, in case those around them would think that they were raising a toddler poorly, and sometimes they were even afraid that others would consider their beloved child mentally “not like that.” So we fought as best we could, in the family circle.
In recent years, they began to talk about the problem with specialists, child psychologists, psychiatrists, neurologists and pediatricians. And an insight came: there are much more hysterical children than might seem at first glance. According to statistics available to child psychologists in one of the large clinics in Moscow, 80% of children under the age of 6 experience tantrums periodically, and 55% of such children have regular hysterics. On average, children can have such attacks from 1 time a week to 3-5 times a day.
A child's tantrum has certain core symptoms. As a rule, an attack is preceded by some identical events and situations.
During a hysteria, a child may scream heart-rendingly, tremble, choke, and there will not be so many tears. There may be trouble breathing, the heart rate increases, and many children try to harm themselves by scratching their faces, biting their hands, hitting walls or the floor. The attacks in children are quite long, after which they cannot calm down for a long time and sob.
At certain age periods hysterics acquire stronger manifestations; at such “critical” stages of growing up, emotional outbursts change their color. They may appear unexpectedly, or they may disappear just as suddenly. But hysterics should never be ignored, just as a child should not be allowed to manipulate adult family members by screaming and stamping his feet.
Doctor Komarovsky's opinion
First of all, says Evgeniy Komarovsky, parents should remember that A child in a state of hysterics definitely needs an audience. Kids never make scandals in front of the TV or washing machine, they choose a living person, and among the family members, the one who is most sensitive to his behavior is suitable for the role of spectator.
If dad begins to worry and get nervous, then he will be the one chosen by the child for a spectacular hysteria. And if the mother ignores the child’s behavior, then throwing a tantrum in front of her is simply not interesting.
Dr. Komarovskaya will tell you how to wean your child from hysterics in the next video.
This opinion somewhat contradicts the generally accepted opinion of child psychologists, who claim that a child in a state of hysterics has absolutely no control over himself. Komarovsky is sure that the baby is perfectly aware of the situation and the balance of power, and everything he does at this moment is done completely arbitrarily.
Therefore, the main advice from Komarovsky is not to show in any way that the children’s “concert” is in any way touching parents. No matter how strong the tears, screams and stamping of feet may be.
If a child ever gets his way with a tantrum, he will use this method constantly. Komarovsky warns parents to cajole their child during a tantrum.
To give in means to become a victim of manipulation, which will, to one degree or another, constantly improving, continue for the rest of your life.
It is advisable to be calm all family members adhered to the tactics of behavior and rejection of hysterics, so that mom’s “no” never turns into dad’s “yes” or grandma’s “maybe.” Then the child will quickly understand that hysteria is not a method at all, and will stop testing the nerves of adults.
If the grandmother begins to show gentleness and pity the child offended by parental refusal, then she risks becoming the only spectator of children's hysterics. The problem, says Komarovsky, is the lack of physical security with such grandmothers. After all, usually a grandson or granddaughter gradually stops obeying them and can end up in an unpleasant situation in which they can get injured during a walk, get burned by boiling water in the kitchen, stick something into a socket, etc., because the baby will not react in any way to the grandmother’s calls.
What to do?
If a child is 1-2 years old, he is quite quickly able to form correct behavior at the reflex level. Komarovsky advises putting the baby in a playpen where he will have a safe space. As soon as the hysteria begins, leave the room, but let the child know that he is being heard. As soon as the little one is silent, you can go into his room. If the scream repeats, go out again.
According to Evgeniy Olegovich, two days are enough for a one and a half to two year old child to develop a stable reflex - “mom is nearby if I don’t yell.”
For such “training,” parents will truly need nerves of iron, the doctor emphasizes. However, their efforts will certainly be rewarded by the fact that in a short time an adequate, calm and obedient child will grow up in their family. And one more important point - the sooner parents apply this knowledge in practice, the better it will be for everyone. If the child is already over 3 years old, this method alone cannot be used. More painstaking work on errors will be required. First of all, over parental mistakes in raising their own child.
The child does not obey and is hysterical
Absolutely any children can be naughty, says Komarovsky. Much depends on the character, temperament, upbringing, norms of behavior that are accepted in the family, on the relationships between the members of this family.
Do not forget about the “transitional” age - 3 years, 6-7 years, adolescence.
3 years
At the age of about three years, a child begins to understand and become aware of himself in this big world, and, naturally, he wants to try this world for strength. In addition, children at this age are not yet and are not always able to express in words their feelings, emotions and experiences on any occasion. So they show them in the form of hysterics.
Quite often on this age stage Night hysterics begin. They are spontaneous in nature, the child simply wakes up at night and immediately practices a piercing cry, arches, sometimes tries to break free from adults and try to run away. Typically, nighttime tantrums do not last so long, and the child “outgrows” them; they stop as suddenly as they began.
6-7 years
At 6-7 years old, a new stage of growing up occurs. The baby is already ripe to go to school, and they are beginning to demand more from him than before. He is very afraid of not meeting these requirements, he is afraid of “letting him down,” the stress accumulates and sometimes spills out again in the form of hysteria.
Evgeny Komarovsky emphasizes that most often parents turn to doctors with this problem when the child is already 4-5 years old, when hysterics occur “out of habit.”
If at an earlier age the parents failed to stop this behavior and unwittingly became participants in a harsh performance that the child plays out in front of them every day, trying to achieve something of his own.
Parents are usually frightened by some external manifestations of hysteria, such as a semi-fainting state of the child, convulsions, “hysterical bridge” (arching the back), deep sobs and breathing problems. Affective-respiratory disorders, as Evgeniy Olegovich calls this phenomenon, are characteristic mainly of children early age- up to 3 years. With strong crying, the child exhales almost the entire volume of air from the lungs, and this leads to paleness and breath holding.
With such manifestations of hysteria, it is still better to consult a pediatric neurologist, since the same symptoms are characteristic of some nervous disorders.
- Teach your child to express emotions in words. Don't get angry or irritated at all like anyone else normal person, your child cannot. You just need to teach him how to correctly express his anger or irritation.
- A child prone to hysterical attacks should not be overly patronized, coddled and cherished; it is best to send him to kindergarten as early as possible. There, Komarovsky says, attacks usually do not occur at all due to the absence of constant and impressionable spectators of hysterics - mom and dad.
- Hysterical attacks can be learned to anticipate and control. To do this, parents need to carefully observe when the hysteria usually begins. The child may be sleep-deprived, hungry, or he cannot stand being rushed. Try to avoid potential “conflict” situations.
- At the first sign of a hysteria beginning, you need to try to distract the child. Usually, Komarovsky says, this “works” quite successfully with children under three years of age. With older guys it will be more difficult.
- If your child tends to hold his breath during a tantrum, there is nothing particularly wrong with that. Komarovsky says that in order to improve breathing, you just need to blow in the baby’s face, and he will definitely take a reflexive breath.
- No matter how difficult it may be for parents to deal with their child’s tantrums, Komarovsky strongly recommends going all the way. If you let your child defeat you with a tantrum, it will be even more difficult later. After all, from a hysterical three-year-old one day, a hysterical and completely obnoxious teenager of 15-16 years old will grow up. It will ruin the lives of not only the parents. He will make it very difficult for himself.
- Doctor Komarovsky
Children's tantrums frustrate and discourage parents. Let's look at the reasons that may prompt children to behave this way, as well as tips on how to act correctly during a child's tantrum.
Why is the baby capricious?
Hysteria in children can occur for a number of reasons...
- The child got sick. The baby begins to feel unwell, but he himself does not understand his condition. He may experience weakness and discomfort, but cannot explain this to his parents, so the child becomes hysterical
- The baby wants attention. Parents have many daily tasks. Mom needs to cook, wash, iron. At this time, the child is allowed to play or watch a cartoon on his own, but he refuses to do it alone. He wants his parents to keep him company, so he throws a tantrum.
- The child wants to achieve what he wants. For this reason, hysteria may arise, for example, in a store due to the fact that his parents refused to buy him another car, doll or some other toy.
- The kid protests. From two to five years, a child develops independent desires and needs. He wants to choose which carousel to ride in the park, and who to play with on the playground. Parents, overly worried about their child, try to impose a certain model of behavior on him and forbid the child to show independence. The child begins to cry, expressing protest.
- The child is tired. Often the baby begins to be capricious, as it seems to parents, for no reason. He was visiting, had fun all day, played, watched cartoons with other children, walked, and in the evening he began to be capricious and cry. The cause of such hysterics may be emotional overstrain.
How to prevent tantrums in a 1-2 year old child
Children aged 1-2 years experience a crisis in the first year of life, which is expressed in disobedience, a desire for independence, an acute reaction to parental prohibitions, which is accompanied by frequent hysterics.
Table 1. How to prevent tantrums in a one-year-old child in specific situations
Situation leading to hysteria | Reason for hysteria | What should parents do? |
A one-year-old baby sits at the table and tries to eat porridge or soup with a spoon on his own, his movements are rather awkward, he stains the table and clothes. Mom takes the spoon from him and begins to feed him, which causes dissatisfaction and hysterical crying of the child. | The child does not like that his attempts to be independent are thwarted. | In this situation, you can do differently - take a second spoon and continue the meal with your baby. Nothing bad will happen if it gets dirty, but the child made an attempt to eat on his own. Perhaps the time has come to reconsider your attitude towards your child. You shouldn’t do everything for your baby, but you should try to “walk” with him, doing everything together. For example, during the first half of the second year of life, you can teach your child to put on tights, sandals, a hat, mittens, a scarf, brush his teeth and wash himself. |
A one-year-old child throws a tantrum when he is not allowed to play with an illegal object. | The baby reacts sharply to a ban from the parent. | If a child is playing with something illegal, before taking this item away and hearing an outrageous cry, it is advisable to divert the child’s attention to another interesting thing or offer an alternative. For example, if a child has taken documents out of a locker and is trying to immortalize his first drawings on them, you should invite him to draw in an album prepared specifically for children’s creativity. |
The child does not want to get dressed and throws a tantrum. | The process of getting dressed is unpleasant for the baby, he is bored or something has ruined his mood. | A small child does not know how to dress himself, and the process itself is boring for him. Rhymes and counting rhymes that the baby likes will help make dressing “alive.” They will distract his attention from the boring process.A child's refusal to get dressed may not be related to the process of getting dressed. He slept poorly, his favorite toy broke, which completely ruined his mood. Crying is the most accessible way for a baby to relieve stress. In this case, parents need to remain calm. Give your child some independence by allowing him to choose his own clothes, even if the items don't match. It is imperative to praise the child for the choice he has made, without criticizing or laughing. |
The baby cries when returning from a walk. | The child does not want to finish the walk and go home. | Many children do not want to return home from the street, so when they cross the threshold of the apartment, they begin to cry. To prevent children from crying, you need to prepare the child in advance for the fact that it is time to go home, and not quickly tear him away from playing, swinging on a merry-go-round, etc. On the way home, be sure to distract the baby by switching his attention to what is happening at home , tell how the toys miss him and how happy they will be for him to return home. When you come home, do not immediately sit your baby down at the table to feed him or put him to bed. It's better to give him some time to play with his favorite toys. |
The child does not want to share his toys with other children and begins to scream if they try to take his things from him. | Child's reluctance to share personal belongings. | Parents need to be understanding of their child’s reluctance to share their toys with others, because no adult would give their phone, computer or car to a stranger. The child is free to manage his own personal belongings. Parents should teach their child to ask permission to play with or exchange other people's toys, but should not deny or condemn the child's right to refuse. Therefore, if a child does not give up his toys and cries, there is no need to insist that he must share them. It is better to move with your baby to the other side, calm him down and continue the game.
Children do not share toys because they think that they will not get their “good” back. At home, parents can talk to the child and explain that the children will play and return the toy they took from him. So that the child can understand this, parents can play with him a game about the Greedy Bear and the Hare. The essence of the game is that the characters described above share their toys. At the same time, the Hare happily shares his cars, blocks and asks permission to play with Mishka’s toys, assuring him that he will play a little and will definitely give it back. Invite your child to first be the Teddy Bear in the game, and then the Good Hare. This game will help the child learn certain rules of behavior and in the future happily share toys with other children. |
A capricious child aged two to 5 years: what parents should do
At the age of two to five years, a restructuring of the child’s character occurs and he begins to react more sharply to prohibitions from adults. Children of this age are still emotionally immature, and what seems unimportant to adults can turn into a real tragedy for a child and lead to hysteria.
Table 2. How to properly respond to tantrums of a 2-5 year old child in typical situations
A situation that causes hysterics in a 2-5 year old child | Causes of hysteria | What should parents do? |
A joyful day with guests, cartoons, fun and even gifts ends with the child’s whims and nightly tantrums. | Emotional stress, fatigue. | It is worth remembering that the character of a child between two and five years old has not yet formed emotionally. He gets tired quickly large quantity people, gets nervous around strangers, cries from overexertion. For a child 2-5 years old, it is important to follow a daily routine. The child should rest and sleep at lunchtime. And if you see that the baby is tired while visiting, then it is better to take him away from everyone and calm him down. |
Parents are overly worried about their baby, so playground They forbid him to climb a high hill, although other children of the same age enthusiastically slide down it. Protecting the child from possible falls and bruises, parents forbid him to ride a bicycle, do not take him to the skating rink, etc. Over time, the child, seeing that other children are excitedly playing catch-up, ride a bicycle quickly, and he sits in the sandbox. begins to be indignant, and expresses his protest by shouting. | Protest against excessive guardianship. | The child needs to be given more independence, given the opportunity to study and experience the world. You need to try to talk to your child as an equal. The child must understand that parents do not simply seek to take care of him, depriving him of independence, but are ready to become his assistants, whom he can turn to if he needs help. |
A kid in a store starts screaming and pulling at his parents’ clothes so that they immediately buy him some kind of toy or buy him some sweets. | Can't get what he wants. | You need to discuss this situation with the child, try to explain to him that it is ugly to behave this way in public places. The main thing is not to give in to children's tantrums and not to buy the child what he wants, otherwise this behavior will be repeated. |
A baby under one year old is given a lot of attention, the mother tries not to leave his side, forgetting about all household chores and worries. The older the child gets, the more often parents have to leave him for a while. Because of this, he begins to cry, calling on adults to pay attention to him. | The child wants more attention, he wants to be with his mother all the time. | To eliminate whims due to these reasons, it is advisable to devote as much time as possible to your baby: playing with him, being creative, taking walks. But it wouldn’t hurt to explain to the child that he must play alone for some time, and his mother, as soon as she is free, will immediately join him. |
An active baby suddenly doesn’t want to play, he constantly asks to be held or lies down on the sofa, refuses to eat and cries for no reason. | These symptoms may indicate illness. If a child of 4-5 years old can tell adults that he feels unwell, then it is quite difficult for children of 2-3 years old to explain their condition. | At the first symptoms of the disease, you should immediately measure your temperature. If it is elevated, consult a doctor immediately. Only a specialist will be able to accurately determine the causes of the ailment and prescribe competent treatment. But it’s not worth self-medicating and risking the baby’s health.
Accordingly, parents should understand that during illness, children become excessively capricious and require increased attention. |
Helpful advice regarding parental behavior during children's tantrums is given by psychologist of the highest category L. V. Khodorovskaya.
With tantrums, children most often try to manipulate their parents and show that they don’t like something. First of all, try to remain calm and not indulge in hysteria. Talk to your child very calmly. Ask him to calmly explain what he wants, and then discuss his desire. But promise to fulfill this desire only if you have the opportunity. You cannot promise to fulfill a child’s request and then successfully forget about it. In this case, the hysteria will repeat again, because the child will not forget the deception. If it is not possible to fulfill his desire, then try to switch his attention to something else. When your baby sees that you react to his antics completely calmly, he will stop hysterical.
It is impossible to completely get rid of children's tantrums, but parents can prevent some of them. You need to spend time with your baby as often as possible and not push him away when he needs to communicate with his parents. If the hysterics do not stop, but gradually only gain momentum, stopping them becomes more and more difficult each time, then you should contact a specialist .
Hysteria is a state of extreme nervous excitement, leading to loss of self-control. In children from one to five years old, it most often manifests itself with loud screaming, crying, rolling on the floor and waving their arms and legs. Sometimes children in a fit of hysterics can bang their heads against the wall, bite themselves and those around them. A child in this state cannot adequately perceive conventional methods of communication and therefore it is useless to try to explain or prove something to him. Children use hysterics when they realize that it has an effect on you.
Reasons why children throw tantrums
- The desire to attract attention. To prevent hysteria from arising over this, you need to warn the child in advance that in some situation you will not be able to devote time to him, and offer him an alternative option for independent study.
- Trying to achieve something desired. In this case, you do not need to immediately abandon your decision; you need to confidently say “no” several times if the prohibition is truly justified, and continue to go about your business.
- Inability to express your dissatisfaction in words. You must teach him to express his emotions in other ways.
- Fatigue, lack of sleep, feeling hungry. For children prone to tantrums, maintaining a daily routine is very important. He must be fed and put to bed on time, avoid overtiredness, do not play active games before bed, do not walk for too long, do not allow large crowds of unfamiliar people near him, and do not attend various entertainment events that are new to him. If you have to go to kindergarten early in the morning, wake your child up in advance and give him time to finally wake up, otherwise if he throws a tantrum, you won’t have time to use the techniques
- Condition during or after illness. It is clear that a mother must promptly notice the signs of an impending cold or the presence of chronic health problems in her child. In this case, he needs to create a gentle psychological regime and consult a doctor.
- The desire to imitate adults or peers. It is absurd to demand good behavior from a child if you yourself often break down and get nervous when something doesn’t suit you. Behave the way you want your child to behave. If he repeats after hysterical children, you need to try to explain to him that it is not good to behave this way, and if there is no effect, try to minimize such communications.
It often happens that we ourselves, without realizing it, provoke hysterics in children. This happens when parents and grandparents are overprotective or apply pathological severity to the child, which suppresses his independence and initiative.
At the same time, the lack of necessary parental care, insufficiently clear expression of one’s attitude towards the positive and negative actions of the child, as well as an undeveloped system of rewards and punishments also negatively affects the child - it gives rise to permissiveness and at the same time self-doubt, the inability to determine the boundaries of behavior , which cannot be crossed.
Excessive affection, indulging his whims and lack of reasonable demands also leads to the upbringing of capricious, hysterical children.
Errors in upbringing undoubtedly play a big role in shaping a child’s behavior, but it must be emphasized once again that they are only provoking factors, and the root of all problems lies in the characteristics of the child’s nervous system, which are innate. And it is precisely in early childhood that these features manifest themselves most clearly.
There are several types of a child’s nervous system. Each type has its own characteristics, by which you can determine which type of nervous system your child belongs to. This needs to be determined as early as possible in order to develop the right tactics for dealing with a child, and thereby help him adapt to various life situations, which ultimately will help him grow up self-confident and able to adequately withstand stress. Let's look at the main types of nervous systems in children and how parents should behave to avoid conflicts.
So, weak type of nervous system characterized by slow processes of excitation and inhibition. Such a child is very impressionable, prone to anxiety and fear. He is uncommunicative, withdrawn, and deeply grieves. He does not like conflicts and does not tolerate changes in his life well. He often has low self-esteem, but he is able to adequately analyze his feelings and emotions. Such a child's mood often changes and he is easily thrown out of balance. But he will never show his emotions with a loud cry; he will express dissatisfaction with persistent whining, which will not stop until you pay attention to him. In stressful situations, his will is paralyzed, he loses control over his behavior, and he becomes insane. In severe distress, such a child is capable of unpredictable actions. Such a child has an unstable appetite and poor sleep.
When raising him, try to be patient with his mistakes, do not skimp on well-deserved affection and praise, and often involve him in communicating with loved ones. Do household chores with him, citing the fact that you need his help. Make sure he gets enough rest, protect him as much as possible from noisy events and sudden changes in life.
The second type of nervous system is strong. The processes of excitation and inhibition are balanced. Such children are rarely in a bad mood. They only get nervous for very good reasons. They get along easily with children, calmly adapt to different situations, and resolve conflicts easily and quickly. They get carried away easily, but quickly change these hobbies, and therefore often do not keep their promises. Such children are easy to raise and rarely create problems. However, if routine factors are systematically violated, children begin to change and behave like children with a weak nervous system.
The next type of nervous system is unbalanced. Excitation processes prevail over inhibition. Such children are easily excitable, even a new toy can cause a violent reaction. They sleep briefly and shallowly, easily waking up from the slightest rustle. They often behave noisily in society and love to be the center of attention. They are easily distracted, so they cannot complete the task. Children with such a nervous system like to lead, as it turns out better than doing a monotonous task. If mistakes are pointed out to a child in a harsh manner, he will begin to get angry and scream, and, having achieved his goal, he will constantly use scandals. He likes to achieve everything quickly and always successfully. If it doesn’t work out, they immediately lose interest.
Raise such children unobtrusively. Help them finish what they start, so they will learn patience. Learn to feel the moment when a child stops perceiving what you are trying to convey to him and begins to confront you - change the topic, otherwise a hysteria may begin. Periodically, gently convince him that his behavior is not always correct. Set an example for him with your calmness, because he loves to imitate you.
And the last type of nervous system - slow. Inhibition processes prevail over excitation. These babies sleep soundly, eat well, and gain weight quickly and above normal before they are one year old. These children are calm, reasonable, they do not act rashly, he is comfortable alone, because... no one distracts him from his thoughts. He “swings” for a long time, but if he gets down to business, he will definitely see it through to the end. He is afraid of other people's sudden mood swings. They are reserved in their emotions, so it is often difficult to understand their state of mind. Such children know how to make loyal friends.
The role of parents is to stimulate a child with such a nervous system to take action. Choose games where you need to run around a little and talk loudly. Don’t scold them for being slow - before doing anything, he needs to collect his thoughts and understand what is required of him. Don’t rush to do everything for your child (because it’s faster). Help him overcome his inertia. Stimulate yourself by organizing competitions. And, of course, be sure to play along.
Mostly children with a weak and unbalanced nervous system are prone to serious hysterics.
In children under one year of age, hysterics can be expressed in bouts of prolonged, heart-rending crying, which occurs even with the slightest error in care (wet diapers, hunger, long intervals between periods of sleep, errors in the nutrition of a nursing mother). It is very difficult to calm them down, even if these errors are eliminated. Such hysterics are usually caused by an increase in intracranial pressure and only a neurologist can help in this case. In newborns, this happens due to disruptions in the course of pregnancy and childbirth in the mother, and sometimes as a manifestation of congenital brain diseases.
Stages of hysteria
The screaming stage - the child screams heart-rendingly, demanding nothing and not seeing anyone around.
The stage of motor excitement - he begins to throw everything that comes to his hand, and if there is nothing, he simply stomps his feet and waves his arms randomly.
The sobbing stage - the child sobs, sobs and looks with a suffering look.
If you do not pay attention to the child in the second stage, then the third will not occur. In the third stage, you must help the child calm down, otherwise it can last indefinitely, as it is difficult for him to cope with his emotions. Hug him, hold him close, sit him on your lap and rock him. An exhausted baby, having calmed down, will most likely want to lie down or even sleep.
What to do so that your child’s tantrums occur as rarely as possible, and eventually stop completely.
1. It is easier to prevent an explosion of emotions than to frantically think about what to do.
You cannot wait for the moment when it will be difficult to do anything. You must control the beginning changes in the child’s mood (dissatisfaction, irritation, tearfulness), and be able to promptly distract the child from the subject that caused the negative reaction. You can offer to do something else, to draw the child’s attention to some other object or phenomenon. Sometimes an outburst can be stopped by showing sympathy for his bad mood, and you need to try to take him aside and talk to him, calm him down, hug him, and gently pat him on the head. A child cannot always understand and explain his condition, therefore, by helping him express in words what he feels, you give him the opportunity to relax and help eliminate a tense situation. Over time, based on the child’s temperament, you will successfully learn to use this method.
But remember, the distraction method is only effective when the hysteria is in initial stage, and doesn't work if it's already in progress. It is no longer possible to distract the child during this period; the futility of attempts will only drive you crazy.
2. Let your child know that you do not tolerate tantrums.
If a tantrum does occur, stop all communication with the child for this time. Do not try to persuade, scream or spank him - this will not help, and may even increase the manifestations of hysteria. Besides, because of the screams, they simply won’t hear you. Pretend you don't see him. If necessary, wear headphones, but do not react. When the situation calms down a little, you can begin to use various techniques to calm the child.
3. During a tantrum, you need to isolate the child for a short time.
Take your child to a remote place where there should be no children, toys or TV. Let him understand that when he misbehaves, he will not be allowed to play with other children. The child should remain in this place for as long as it takes for him to calm down. If there is a repeated hysteria, he needs to be returned to his original place and again left there for a while, but not completely let him out of sight. The main thing at this time is to remain calm yourself. However, he must remember that hysteria is not a reason to shirk homework or homework and, having returned to normal, he will be able to finish the work.
4. Your tactics during a child’s tantrums should always be the same.
The algorithm of your actions during outbreaks should be repeated. Even when it happens in public places. Yes, it will be unpleasant, but know that those around you have found themselves in such situations more than once. Find strength in yourself and be sure that you are doing this for the benefit of your child. If such outbursts of emotions occur when communicating with other people, you need to tell them how to behave correctly in such a situation and warn them not to pay attention to the child until he calms down. Communicate with these people in order to assess whether re-education is going well.
5. Tell your child how to express your dissatisfaction in a civilized manner.
Usually children throw tantrums because they don’t know how to express their feelings differently. Make it clear that there is nothing wrong with his bad mood, that all people get upset sometimes, but you need to be able to say what you don’t like. List a few words he might use (for example: I'm angry, I'm angry, I'm very unhappy, I'm sad, I'm bored) and rehearse them with your child. Reward him with praise every time he talks about his worries.
To deal with your child's tantrums, you need to be able to remain calm.
This is sometimes very difficult to do, especially when hysterics happen at the most inopportune moment. But you must be able to restrain yourself. If you still get angry, take a deep breath and go into another room for 3 minutes. You need to lose eye contact with the child. But before that, warn him that you are giving him time to calm down and will be right back. Use the same phrase and say nothing more. The main thing here is calm and silence. Prepare for destruction in the room where the child remains, but do not punish him for it. This method is called "time-out". It is simple, universal and can help maintain a calm state of mind and control anger. However, know that in the future, you must increase the amount of time spent playing together with your child, otherwise, due to frequent time-outs, he may become embittered and lose trust in his parents.
After a tantrum, act as if nothing happened. There is no need to comment on what happened. Let the child earn your favor again.
After two to three weeks of such techniques, your child’s tantrums should become less frequent.
If, despite your efforts and patience, bad behavior still persists, you need to contact a neurologist who will prescribe an examination. If the examination does not reveal any abnormalities, the neurologist will prescribe a consultation with a psychologist or psychotherapist, who will determine whether the child has mental disorders and whether drug treatment is necessary.
A child with an excitable nervous system can be helped with mild sedatives. These can be decoctions of soothing herbs, soothing herbs.
Calming herb or tea for children: Fennel, chamomile, marshmallow, licorice, wheatgrass (1:1:2:2:2). Pour two tablespoons of the mixture into a glass of boiling water, boil for 20 minutes, strain. Take 1 teaspoon warm (for children over 1 year old) before meals 3 times a day or at night for 3-4 weeks. If you are allergic to herbs, you should not use them.
You can give children just an infusion of motherwort in the same dose.
It is advisable to bathe excitable infants every other day in a solution of pine extract for 20 days.
Of the medications, a child is allowed to be given only homeopathic remedies (dormikind, tenoten, notta, nervohel) without a doctor’s prescription. It is also possible to use a drug based on the amino acid glycine. The neurovitan vitamin complex will help support the child’s nervous system. The dosages of the drugs are clearly described in the instructions for them. All medications should be given for 4 weeks, then take a break and repeat the course of treatment again.
Only a doctor can prescribe more serious medications for the treatment of children.
Pediatrician S.V. Sytnik
In my practice, I often encounter questions about children's tantrums. What to do when the child throws tantrums, why the girl cries all the time, how to teach a child to relate Are you feeling calmer about everything? Today I will try to answer the most popular questions for everyone at once.
How to calm down a tantrum, if it has already happened?
When a child has already had a tantrum, you can only survive it. We take him away to calm down. At such moments, the child’s nervous system is excited and it takes time to slow down. The most important thing you can do at this moment is be alone with the child, leave public places, just BE CLOSE.
And try to pronounce actions and feelings, the child’s and yours. You need to talk it out not only during hysterics and other acute moments, but also when everything is fine. This is a good prevention of hysterics. The child learns to become aware of himself, feels your support and understanding. It is very important for him to satisfy this need - to be good, to be understood.
You can say, for example, like this:
- you didn't like it;
- you liked the car so much that you are very happy;
- you liked this boy;
- you're angry now, so you frown or... you fight.
Preventing tantrums
There are children of different sensitivity. But if a previously calm child suddenly began to become hysterical - look for the reason ! Perhaps you are entering a crisis, or the child’s primary needs for protection and acceptance have ceased to be met (moving, the appearance of a brother or sister, the child was sent to kindergarten...). Food and routine are important. Let's look at some hysterical-provoking moments.
1. Food is important!
Check your menu. Often such mild excitability is associated with food. Sometimes this is a reaction to grains, especially wheat, and sweets. Try to keep your child's diet balanced.
2. Do you accept your child’s feelings?
Speaking out children's feelings, which we talked about above, helps the child understand himself and feel that his mother accepts him as he is. I advise you to listen to the 2nd episode of my psychological sketches, if you haven’t already. This is just an example of how hysteria can be prevented.
Example
Question: Girl 2.6 years old. She has become unbearably capricious, although she has always been like this, but especially now. She cries very often, with bitter tears, if she is denied something. After waking up in the morning and during the day, she whines for half an hour, I carry her in my arms to calm her down. How can I help her become calmer so that she cries less and demands everything through tears?
Answer: The child is still learning to worry, he doesn’t know how to do it. These are the very tears of futility from the attachment theory of Gordan Newfold, a wonderful practitioner focused on parents. His books describe in detail tears of futility: what they are, how we cry them with a child, and how a child adapts to what cannot happen, including if he is rejected.
Here I would think about the physiological moment, what is associated with a difficult awakening in the morning: does the child have allergies, maybe something is bothering him, this is important to know. For example, my youngest child’s moodiness was associated with indigestion, and until we solved this problem, the child was very moody.
3. Change of environment, loss of sense of security
Children are conservative. They get used to the established order and feel any deviation from it as a threat to their own safety. What could it be? A child is born, the family moves to another city, the mother goes to work, and the child is sent to kindergarten. If the mother is forced to leave, a significant, beloved adult must remain near the child.
Let's look at an example.
Question: My daughter is two and a half years old. On the street, he really likes to be with other children, he doesn’t really need his mother. Please tell me why she doesn’t want to go to kindergarten? Hysteria begins upon entering the group.
Answer: 2.5 years is still very little. At this age the most important thing is kindergarten not peers, but the teacher. What is her relationship with her teacher? Is the child attached to him? The most important thing is to establish a connection with the teacher. It is difficult for a child to remain in a group without his mother; he also needs the accompaniment of an adult. When mom leaves, the teacher replaces her. That is, the mother, as it were, hands over her daughter to another adult, and not to a group of children. Tears are a completely normal reaction at 2.5 years old when entering a group. Something feels bad for her there. She feels insecure and doesn’t like something.
4. Crisis of 3 years
Crises are signs of development, the transition of the child’s psyche to a qualitatively new state. There is no need to be afraid of them, but you need to be prepared for an increase in hysterics or aggression during these periods. And try to help your child survive these moments by surrounding him with understanding.
A crisis three years- This is the child’s transition to independence, the age of disobedience. Defending his Self. And he becomes hysterical or fights, pinches himself if he cannot defend himself otherwise.
Questions:
1. My daughter is 3 years old. When she is afraid, worried, or simply worried (being in a new place, reading a tense scene in a book, etc.), she constantly pinches herself or her parents. Behind the neck and on the bend of the elbow. At 2 years old it was the same, but then it passed, and now with renewed vigor. He cannot sit still, even if he is just happy, runs up and pinches his parents, or simply runs his fingers around the family. This moment is very worrying.
2. Still the same daughter, she reacts very difficultly to situations when something does not go according to her scenario. I used to blame it on age, but a year has passed and adaptation is not happening. I saw that my brother was playing with a string, give me the same one. I saw it on the site new toy, I want the same one. Wants tea if mom doesn’t get up immediately - hysterics. He throws himself on the floor and screams. Sometimes he shows aggression, is pushed, throws a toy, if done with it. We don’t know how to convey socially acceptable behavior.
Answer: Good question for that age. There are two main points here.
First, a younger brother was born when the child was in crisis. It was difficult for the girl to live this period favorably; jealousy was superimposed. This probably contributed to the fact that the adaptation dragged on for a year.
Second point: 3 years is still very young to be able to regulate yourself. I warn all mothers of 2-3 year old children that until the age of 5 you have one child, and after 5 years another period begins. And once again everything will change after the crisis of 7 years. If you have schoolchildren, you will understand me.
At 3 years old, it is normal to be afraid of new places, intense scenes in books, cartoons or in life, and worry about it. When a child pinches himself, he helps himself through stressful situations.
You need to understand that a preschooler’s psyche is only developing and a child at this age experiences everything through the body. This can be seen when a child first fights and then communicates that he is angry. It takes time for a child to reach the verbal level. I suggest giving more contact in moments of distress: hugging her, quite tightly, tightly, so that she feels corporeal, and be sure to say the following words: I’m with you, we’re together, we’ll get through this. This is on the first question.
Directly There is no need to prohibit pinching, otherwise you will reinforce this behavior. I advise you to work around this. We always voice our daughter’s feelings: “You’re so worried, you’re so scared that you even pinch me (or yourself),” that is, we describe the child’s actions.
AND enriching the development environment: playing, drawing, modeling, outdoor games and activities, because nothing develops a child and his sense of himself, his self, initiative, etc. You know, I am very deeply involved in play activities and I see how a child blossoms when his mother begins to enthusiastically play with him, that is, speak his language. This helps to get through the three-year crisis more easily and to get out of many neurotic states.
This also applies to the second question. For now, the daughter does not rely on herself, but on the field that surrounds her. It’s as if she doesn’t know her desires, doesn’t understand herself. I saw that my brother was playing with a string, give me the same one, I saw a spoon, I want the same one. Mom didn’t get up, she was hysterical. This is about a two-year-old, most likely. Aggression is normal at this age. The child starts - Mom picks up.
The tantrums, whims, and anger of a child are very sensitive for a mother. How could it be otherwise? She wants with all her might to be good, the best, but here...
First, it is important to understand what is happening and why.
Question: My son Oleg is 2.4 years old. He is a very active kid, a daredevil. The problem is that he often gets angry and hits me and dad. We say that you can’t do this, we hold your hand. I herself sometimes I snap at the child when I can no longer hold back. I have the feeling that he doesn’t understand that we are hurting, and he is amused by this. In a children's group, he can also hit a child, but he knows that this is bad.
Answer: Of course, at this age children fight, become aggressive, get very angry and immediately hit. This is due to the fact that the child still experiences everything physically very strongly and cannot say in words what he feels. And I had two such children: the older one bit, the younger one fought. It is also connected with the immaturity of the brain, with the fact that he does not understand himself well, that he does not know how to experience frustration, and does not know how to talk about it.
A common mistake adults make is that they think: enough is enough and the child will improve. No, that's not enough. Here you need to talk through the situation, the child’s actions, feelings and your own feelings and actions. This is very important for the future. It is important to separate the child's intentions from his actions. The result does not come immediately, but such recitation helps the brain mature and helps form neural connections: the child learns not to hit; he transfers his physicality index to verbalization. For anyone who has difficulties with aggression and anger, I suggest taking the training.
Secondly, parents need to work with their own breakdowns, because if we also have breakdowns, then we slide from our adult position into our childish position and we can no longer help the child, if only someone could help us in this situation.
If mom gets angry and reacts aggressively, then mom needs to work with this, mom needs to strengthen herself. I also think that mom is angry because she doesn’t know what’s going on and reacts to her own powerlessness with anger and aggression.
Or mom is very tired and overworked, then we need to reconsider