Social studies why teenagers are demanding of their friends. Why teenagers are demanding of friends: features of youth friendship. Expand your interests and hobbies
IN adolescence friendships often arise that subsequently remain for many years. Sometimes a teenager has so many friends that parents wonder whether these are really friends or whether their child simply does not know how to choose those with whom he is interested in spending time and with whom he has common interests.
- In any group, be it at school, in the yard or at work, people develop selective relationships. Friendly relations usually do not develop between all members of the team. In a group of teenagers, relationships develop according to the same principles.
- In adolescence, children usually have quite clearly formed habits, inclinations, and skills; each teenager has an individual set of certain characteristics. At this age, each person already has basic character traits.
- Adolescents have different levels of development of mental processes - thinking, memory, perception and imagination.
- A teenager differs from other children in the characteristics of his nervous system and temperament. In addition, the conditions in which he was formed have already left their mark on the teenager’s individuality.
- The teenager already has an idea of what qualities a friend should have that are significant to him. Therefore, the choice of a friend for personal communication is always individual, and besides, a faithful friend is very important for a teenager.
Requirements for a friend
In adolescence, attitudes towards friends are more mature and demanding than those of younger children.
- A teenager is no longer satisfied with simply spending time together during games, studying in the same class, or even having common interests.
- A teenager demands more; he wants his friend to understand, empathize, sympathize, and even to some extent be like a part of himself.
- Teenagers think that a true friend always helps, never refuses a request, never leaves you in trouble, empathizes because of troubles, will not let you down, will not betray, is able to give advice, knows how to keep a secret and is not offended because of trifles. We can say that a teenager wants to see an almost ideal person in a friend.
The search for a peer who meets such requirements often pushes adolescents to look for a new friend if the teenager believes that the person next to him does not quite meet the concept of “friend.”
Is teenage friendship always a good thing?
Friends can have a huge influence on a teenager. Therefore, if parents see that their son or daughter is friends with an unsuitable person, they should try to debunk this idol. This will require a lot of effort from parents, but it will give desired result. However, if the friend chosen by a teenager has a positive influence on him, the teenager can improve his performance at school, discover new talents, and also change his attitude towards loved ones and become closer to them. Friendship is of great importance for a teenager and gives confidence in their abilities.
As a child enters adolescence, friends become a greater priority than family members. Do not resist this phenomenon, but help your son or daughter develop in the direction of personal maturity.
Why is teenage friendship important?
Friends form a support network for children, and social interaction is one of the most in-demand skills adult life. The child learns to develop trust, a sense of belonging and comfort with those who share his interests. Peers are one of the most valuable sources of information because they share with each other their experiences regarding the physiological changes in the body associated with puberty. This is important from an emotional point of view, as parents begin to lose their former authority. Having friends allows you to experiment with different roles and behaviors, as well as gain experience interacting with people of the opposite sex.
Positive friendships during adolescence are an important step on the road to adulthood. This helps children learn important social and emotional skills, how to accept other people's feelings and thoughts, empathy, appreciation, and sharing their experiences.
How to develop friendship skills?
Even though teens may be focused on their friends, they still need parental help to model positive relationships. When there is a healthy trusting relationship between parent and child, there should be no problems communicating with peers. The teenager needs care, support, parental attention, feedback and the opportunity to be heard. All of these important components of the parent-child model contribute to the development of friendship skills. In addition, you have a chance to be aware of your own child’s social circle or help with advice if there is a misunderstanding between him and his peers.
Role Model
It is equally important to demonstrate friendship skills by example. Parents who themselves have a strong social network and spend a lot of time with friends are likely to pass on to their children the ability to quickly make new acquaintances and maintain communication. It is also important for a child to understand and appreciate the meaning of friendship from the outside. He sees that this model of interaction is a two-way street, learning camaraderie and mutual assistance. Don’t be lazy to praise your teenager for being an honest and devoted friend; teach him to be fair, trusting, and ready to help. Praise from parents motivates one to continue working towards expanding positive social traits.
For those who find it difficult to make friends
Not all teenagers manage to easily find a common language with their peers. Not all of them will be so popular, not all of them will be surrounded by a large group of classmates. If your child is modest, but does not suffer from a lack of communication, there is no need to force him to make new acquaintances. This shows that the teenager is mature enough to make his own decisions and not need anyone's advice. But if your child is suffering because no one wants to be his friend, then consider the following measures.
Expand your interests and hobbies
Talk about interests and observe your son or daughter's abilities. Based on this information, you can start looking for new extracurricular activities that will give you new circle communication. Encourage your teenager's desire to join a sports section, a thematic group or an interest club. If the child does not find common language with classmates, this does not mean that he will be an outcast in a new team.
Spend time together with your relatives, friends and acquaintances. Surely people in your social group have children. Invite them to take part in country picnics or in preparation for a family celebration. Your child needs communication with people who do not know him very well. Children of distant relatives and good friends are suitable for this purpose.
Inviting friends to your home
Help your child organize themed party, where he can invite his new friends. Think through your activities down to the smallest detail. If other children are bored, they will go home. Organize a teen comedy show, a cupcake baking class, a sleepover, or a sports game at the local park. Make sure your child is comfortable inviting peers into the house and provide him with his own space.
02.03.16 10:00 / 👁 8981 (21 per week) / ⏱️ 6 min. /
Adolescence is the period of a person's life from approximately 11 to 16 years of age. This time is special, since it is at this age that the foundations of behavior are firmly laid, personality is formed, and one’s own social attitudes and moral concepts are determined.
Adolescence can be considered an “intermediate” link in a person’s social status, since a teenager is no longer a child, but he cannot yet be considered an adult. His emotional channels are poorly developed, his intuition is practically undeveloped, so there is more rationality in his judgments. From here it can be demanding of others, especially to your peers. It is about the demands in teenage relationships that we want to talk about in this article.
What is special about teenage friendship?
During puberty, almost all young people go through a stage of moral distance from their parents. Subsequently, this connection most often returns, and the family becomes a “safe haven”, an “outlet”, a place where you can feel calm. But for teenagers, adults cease to be an indisputable authority, unequal relationships (and it is difficult for adults to perceive a child “as an equal”) become offensive and personal protest occurs. During this period, communication with parents can no longer solve all the child’s issues. He does not want to discuss some of the situations that occur in the life of a teenager with adults and may even become angry or offended if they themselves start a conversation on an objectionable topic.
Teenage friendships are usually built on equal interests and relationships; with friends you can discuss a variety of issues and solve current problems.
You can select Some important features of teenage friendship:
- Communication brings benefits and satisfaction in the ability to talk on any topic.
- The need for collective life with peers and joint activities is realized.
- Having friends, the child feels accepted and recognized in his own environment.
- Communication with peers is a kind of school of social relations.
- It is possible to talk about secret topics with friends.
In each team one can observe divisions into unique groups. As a rule, children in elementary school begin to become friends because of “convenience,” for example, if their parents communicate or they live nearby and go to the same school together. However, by middle school such friendship may completely fade away, since teenagers are already starting to communicate based on their interests, Numerous divisions into groups or separate “pairs” are observed. This isolation allows the child to gain more pleasure from interacting with peers, but it is demanding and often obeys unspoken codes.
What are the demands of friendship between teenagers?
As we mentioned above, in isolated relationships between teenagers there is a demand and formation of their own unspoken codes of conduct, honor, etc. On a subconscious level, teenagers control each other’s behavior and “record” for themselves how who defends their opinion, honor, freedom, who and to what extent they can trust.
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Honesty, loyalty to one's word (remember, the eternal “tea to tea”, “I swear”), and devotion are highly valued in the teenage team. But betrayal, greed, and selfishness are not forgiven and can even be punished. If a teenager let someone down, did not fulfill his “oath,” etc., then his friends can beat him up, remove him from them, or declare a boycott. Teenagers also treat those who cannot stand up for themselves and who are easily offended and offended harshly.
Any emotions at this age can be conditionally called hypertrophied; they always manifest themselves vividly, expressively, and are very acutely experienced by a person. An insult that won’t even upset an adult can hurt a teenager to the core, really hurt. This is where high demands on friends and their actions arise.
A true friend, according to most teenagers, must have the following characteristics:
- be true;
- do not betray;
- do not refuse requests;
- don't leave in trouble;
- be able to keep secrets;
- act “together” in any adventures.
Norms of behavior in friendly education are formed on the basis of the level of upbringing, spirituality, intelligence, and parental example of adolescents. If a child has received proper social and spiritual education, grows up in a loving family and a favorable environment, then his relationships with friends will most often be harmonious. For children from disadvantaged families and children from orphanages, communication and friendship in a teenage group is often comparable to survival in it.
By the way, due to the acuteness of perception of any events happening to teenagers, they especially value mutual assistance, help, and support in difficult times. Therefore, the friendship that arose in school years, often lasts between people throughout their lives, subsequently overcoming any social inequality.
Friendship between representatives of different sexes
We can often hear statements that there is no friendship between a man and a woman. Allegedly, in such relationships there is always either self-interest or unrequited love on one side. This may be true in adult life, but in teenage relationships things can be completely different. IN school age girls and boys can truly be selfless friends, helping each other with their studies, spending free time together, etc.
This fact is especially noteworthy: when there is no romantic aspect of friendship between a boy and a girl, then they are demanding of each other in the same way as they are of comrades of the same sex. If a girl is friends with a group of guys, and this is not uncommon, then she adapts to the “code of honor” and must, for example, have a certain courage, devotion, etc. Also, a boy who is friends with a girl must be able to keep her girlish secrets and secrets.
Demandingness as a method of natural selection
Adolescents’ demands on each other are often observed in the process of “accepting” a new team member. For example, there is a certain group of friends, but another peer wants to “join” them. Here, unspokenly, the question arises between the participants about the degree of belonging and compliance of the new member of their friendly team. According to the concepts of many young people, trust must be earned and often only after certain checks can a new person become a friend.
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How to distinguish demanding teenage friendships from harshness
The demanding nature of teenage friendships can be considered the norm up to certain limits. It is quite often unpleasant, it can upset a teenager, but in general it does not negatively affect his psycho-emotional state. Conflicts of interests and minor disputes are normal for relations within any team.
However, if violence creeps into teenage relationships, then adult intervention may be required. Peers show cruelty not only to morally weak, shy guys who cannot fight back, but also to impulsive, physically strong friends. In the event of strong negativity towards a child or physical violence, parents should act on the situation without letting it take its course. It may be necessary to involve teachers, police, etc. But in this matter the main thing is not to overdo it and not to aggravate the current situation.
If your child comes with abrasions from a fight, but claims that the issue with the offender has already been resolved, that they “sorted it out on their own,” if you see that this really doesn’t bother him much, then do not rush to panic. What parents can do in this situation:
- Don’t rush to look for someone to blame, and especially don’t blame your child.
- Do not ask a teenager to ignore the current situation when he is already worried about it.
- Do not demand to end friendships with those guys with whom there was a conflict if he himself does not want it.
- Listen to the teenager if he wants to talk out, without telling him what to do.
- Ask how you can help.
If you decide to act on a large scale and believe that the problem between peers should be resolved with the involvement of elders, then inform your child about your plans. Explain why you decided to act as you did. Remember that any of your interference can only aggravate the conflict and add new reasons for ridicule of the teenager. The best thing that parents can do is to teach their child to respond to harsh ridicule in some places, to ignore them in others, and to be able to stand up for themselves without involving their parents.
And we repeat once again: do not rush to draw conclusions! Forget that this is your beloved child, ideal for you from all sides, and look at him as just a person from the outside. Is this person's conflict with his friends really so serious that it requires your intervention? What advice would you give him? Learn to distinguish the manifestation of cruelty from the usual demands of teenagers towards each other and never interfere in the latter case. Even if the situation seems difficult and unpleasant to you.
Just love your children, respect their opinions, learn to trust them and let them solve their own problems with friends from a very early age. Children who grow up in such an atmosphere easily find reliable and loyal friends at school age.